GAFABP

Friday it is. Friiidaaay. You know that beep beep beep trucks make when they back up? Well there's this cherry picker across the street that makes that noise whenever it moves. Which is a lot. All day. On to the bad advice!


Dear Tony,
I lived in a shithole apartment for a few months and was forced to move out because my landlord wouldn't fix anything and the roof fell apart. I've been in a legal battle for ten months trying to get the money he owes me and it's been quite difficult. The court system has failed me and I feel very alone and in the dark with the whole thing. I am scared I will never get my money, but I need it desperately. What should I do?


Well no-name, I know what you are thinking - that I am going to say you should burn his house down. And you'd be right. Burn his house down.

Good luck with that,
Tony

Dear Tony,

Now that LOST is over, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so sad and lonely. Previously a highlight of my week, Tuesdays are now another bleak day of the week. How can I overcome this post-LOST depression?

Lost Without Jack

Dear LWJ,

Burn his house down. Wait, what? Shut up.
First off get better at making your signature a funny acronym. Points for cleverness though. My advice would be to scan the TV listings for Tuesday nights. Find a sci-fi show about an island that will run for six years and watch that instead. That should help.

Short of this I would find some friends. Preferably a handsome doctor who yells a lot and will be willing to completely change his philosophy 180 degrees within a six year span, a ne'er do well charming redneck, some Koreans, an ageless manscara'd guy, an affable fatso with a penchant for quoting Star Wars and fried chicken, some one dimensional females, a smoke monster, a creepy bespectacled man, some demigods, a statue foot and some black guys (don't worry, they won't hang out for long (what! Lost is racist, not me!)) and start a book club with them. I recommend Lovely Bones to start with. It worked for Oprah.

I hope this helps,
Tony