Diary of a Hater

Here's a quick list of reasons you look stupid.

Girls in baseball hats You aren't fooling anyone - I get it, you didn't wash your hair. It makes your tiny head look stupid and that greasy ponytail hanging out the back is gross. I don't like girls in hats, your pink Phillies hat isn't winning me over. I'll hate it even more if it's some dopey mesh hat at a jaunty angle. Gross. You have to be a special girl to be able to pull off the J-Lo hat, you probably aren't. Steer clear.

Look how dumb she looks, and she's way prettier than you.

Guys with Goatees So which is it, are you a minor league baseball player or Blockbuster employee? Because that's what you look like. You know what both of these guys have in common? They are weirdos who spend their entire lives with dudes, dudes who aren't particularly good judges of facial hair choices. You don't look like an old movie villain, prince or actor - you look like a 19 year old experimenting with his dad's razor. To be fair, a few guys can pull this off, but you probably aren't one of them.

This is actually a secret scientology signifier for 'jackass'

Obviously, chinstraps are out too. Don't be that guy. Unless you're over 40, don't grow a mustache, irony is a dead scene.

Any of these horrible T-shirts


abortion

Jesus, these shirts are terrible. First and foremost, they are heinous. These are some of the ugliest shirts I have ever seen. Second, these shirts prove to me that you love watching dudes roll around in underpants and punch each other, and that you will get VERY ANGRY that I just called you gay (if you understood my implication, that is). Tapout? Your shirt says tapout? Ok, let's see how long it takes. Just combine one of these with a chinstrap beard so I can run you over with my car. Thanks.