Good Advice From a Bad Person

As usual, here's my Good Advice From a Bad Person over at Phillyist.

This one is about ear germs, talking on the phone and being a bitter old man. Enjoy!

Hollywood Babylon

So when I went to save this picture off the internet, I found out it was called "Trystan-mourning." Wow that's the worst name ever, Trystan, and it's probably not even real. Way to go.

So that's been me for the past week, except real and not just some goth douchebag girl(?) in a photoshoot. But I am wearing my black veil.

This Tuesday was a big (expensive) nerd day for me. Best Buy owned me.

First up, Venture Brothers Season Four (part 1) came out. C'mon VB, part one? WTcrap.



At least Dean Venture can help soothe my Cole Hamels addiction.

Dean Venture or drawing of Cole Hamels. YOU DECIDE

Also, Star Wars the Force Unleashed II came out. AKA finally a Star Wars game where you can be an awesome Jedi and choke, throw, lightning, decapitate everyone and everything II. I bought this game about six o'clock Tuesday, I beat this game about one AM last night, TOO SHORT. I want more people to decapitate! I want to lightsaber more Rancors! Ugh you're too short, but oh so awesome.

Finally, Rock Band 3 came out. Typically, I am a Guitar Hero kind of guy, as Rock Band seems like it is for douchebags (see Rock Band: Beatles & Rock Band: Green Day). BUT HOLY CRAP REAL GUITAR. I didn't get the guitar, just the keyboard. Shhhh, I know.

Also, tonight. TV Casualty (Ted Leo, Atom, others) cover Misfits songs all night. HOORAY. That is going to be awesome.

GAFABP later.

Goodnight Sweet Princes

Say it ain't so.

Mercy. Mercy.

Wow, that was an awful weekend.

My feelings on the Phillies are documented over at Phillyist.

So, check that out.

In other news. Ummm. There's other news? Nevermind.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

Thursday! Four PM!

You should know this by now.

A Halloween advice column by me is up over at Phillyist.

If you're gonna scream, scream with me.

Halloween is coming up, maybe I'll actually wear a costume this year instead of just wearing my sweater that vaguely resembles Freddy Krueger's. I was going to be a Chilean Miner, so I wouldn't have to shave my beard, but I bet that is going to be super played by then.

Chomp chomp chomp chomp. That's what the pipe noise always sounded like to me.

Public Advisory: NO ONE BE ANYONE FROM JERSEY SHORE (Macaroni Rascals) FOR HALLOWEEN. Thank you.

Here is an article Gavin McInnes surely volunteered. I think it's crap. For one, who is his audience? No one calls themselves a hipster. Me-someone who makes fun of hipsters? Um, You Chose...Poorly! Also, bonus me-giving-him-shit in the comments on the article. But hey, maybe you'll like it.

This continues to make me laugh. I have no idea why. I am truley sorry for your lots.

My friend keeps me updated on the internet.

The Phillies. ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Carlos Ruiz: My nickname is Chooch.

Ok homework:

Halloween costume ideas, GAFABPs (really, do this. It will be on like a super popular website, and then maybe I'll be famous and you can have that feather for your cap), playlist requests

Also this:

Phillyist

A GAFABP I am particularily fond of is up over at Phillyist.

The editor kinda edited the shit out of it, and said I "went off the rails a little" during my "side rant" and that it needed to be "reigned in." Meh, I liked it better before.

Either way, I like it.

Playlist

If there's one thing in this world that I love, it's the Philadelphia Phillies.

During a baseball game, as a player comes to bat, a song of his choosing plays. Here are the songs that I would choose for the current crop of Fightin' Phils.


Lookin' good, P

1. Jimmy Rollins: Ridin' - Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone
Leading Off, Jimothy Rollins. I chose this song for young master Rollins for a few reasons. First, catchers are always trying to catch Jimmy ridin' dirty (stealing bases). Those catchers are ALWAYS hatin' and patrolin', but lucky for Jimothy, and us, they are rarely successful in their efforts. Also there is a certain corniness about both Chamillionaire and J-Roll, but the best part, is that they know it's corny, and are in on the joke. They know they're corny, right?
2. Placido Polanco: Kensington Line - Big Head Todd and The Monsters OK, I knew there was a band called Big Head Todd and the Monsters, so I searched for them. The first song that came up was a song named after a neighborhood in Philadelphia. I had to use that, right? Sorry if the song blows.
3. Chase Utley: Stray Cat Strut - Stray Cats Chase Utley is as near to human perfection as we'll witness on this Earth. Due to that, I'll never let him live down that magazine cover with his wife and a bunch of cats. Also something something slicked back hair.
4. Ryan Howard: Two Dope Boyz (In a Cadillac) - Outkast With a lot more cred than Chamillionaire, but not enough cred that white people don't love them, I thought Outkast was perfect for "The Big Piece." Also, this one is an obvious nod to Howard's natural talents toward Sarge's "Cadillac time."
5. Jayson Werth: Loco en el Coco - Cypress Hill This one is too perfect to explain why.
6. Raul Ibanez: Evenflow - Pearl Jam I read somewhere that Raul Ibanez loved Pearl Jam. I was googling that just now and found that that Raul does indeed love Pearl Jam, and used to actually come out to their songs. So this one is pretty accurate? Also, as reported on another site, I once saw Raul Ibanez at a bar, he was very nice and wore a man purse.
7. Shane Victorino: If You're Gonna be Dumb (You Gotta be Tough) - Smut Peddlers Some say that baseball is the most cerebral sport, with some players getting by merely on their mental acuity and knowledge of the game. Shane Victorino is not one of those players.
8. Carlos Ruiz: Turn My Swag On - Soulja Boy (Tell Em) This is Chooch's own choice for entrance music, that is too incredible to change. I know Chooch looks in the mirror and says "What's up?" I love that man.
9. Roy Halladay: O Fortuna - Carl Orff I imagine that this is the song that is always playing in Roy's mind. At least, it's always playing in my mind when I think of Roy, which is often. Did you know that Roy Halladay is actually left-handed? Or that he once spent time on the DL in the minors when his arm turned to solid gold? Or that the script for The Natural was adapted from a book report he did in the third grade on Little League Baseball Guide to Correcting the 25 Most Common Mistakes: Recognizing and Repairing the Mistakes Young Players Make? Ralph Nader's original focus of Unsafe at Any Speed was a treatise on Halladay's fastball? Or that Roy Halladay's fastball is actually his changeup and his changeup is a double changeup? Or that his unborn son was drafted with the first overall pick by the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 2002 MLB draft? Once, while still with Toronto, at a start in Yankee stadium, one of Halladay's cutters sent Yankee coach Don Zimmer into cardiac arrest. While gasping his last breaths on this Earth, Zimmer saw Halladay's next pitch. Roy twirled a changeup of such transcendent beauty, that the pitch inspired Zimmer to live, as he now knew that both God and Love were real and alive in that young pitcher's sinewy and majestic right arm. All of these things are true and real.


There you have it folks. Go Phils!

Phillyist

Well, this is my 100th post. I was going to write a bunch of crap to celebrate the occasion, but my blog-neglect continues. Instead this is merely a link to my latest Phillyist article.

I got some things in the pipeline, including some awesome playlists.

Please, gimme some more GAFABPs, I need em.

Also, if you see one of the GAFABPs I've already run on here up over there, don't blow up my spot. Shhhhh.

We'll have a 101st post extravaganza.

Weekend Rodeo Roundup

Rainbows mean something now, Bible cartoon drawer.

Blah blah rain flood joke haha amirite? ha!

No but really, that was stupid.

Also the Phillies finished the regular season with the best record in baseball. That's pretty dope. You can imagine how happy this made me, considering I love the Phillies more than any person I've ever met in my life.

I made the important life decision that the new Guitar Hero was a good way to spend 100$ and most of my free time for the foreseeable. I think it was a wise decision.

Lookin good, 'be.

At one point, I was a pretty heroic video-game guitar player. I realized that I was good enough that onlookers might think "oh hey, he's pretty good at that, neat." Had I continued down my hero's-quest-journey, I would have gotten to the point that people would think "oh hey, he's really good at that game. Ew." We'll see how this goes.

FYI, my August water bill was twice as much as normal. You know, #incaseyouwerewondering.

As always, keep the playlists and GAFABPs rolling. I know I've been slacking on here, but I think I can blame you for that. Overheard this weekend, by me, to me (wait, that doesn't count as overheard, does it?): "So you're the Bad Person?"

Boo ya! Infamy is mine!