Brrr

So, the PHILLIES signed Clifton Phifer Lee. People are suggesting PHOUR LOKO as their nickname, which is terrible, just like everything else that has to do with 4 loko. I prefer The Phantastic Phour. Now, this analogy is way harder to make than I expected.

Cole Hamels is obviously Sue Storm, despite his stretchiness.

Roy Halladay is Reed, because he's the leader and pretty tall.

After that, it gets tricky.

I am going to go with

Roy Oswalt is the Thing, because he doesn't seem very smart, but he's a total badass.

Cliff Lee is the Human Torch. Because he's hot? And brash and cocky, as evidenced by his pop-up nonchalance in the world series.

See? Doesn't that feel a little unsatisfying? Maybe Oswalt as the torch because he throws hard? A little too easy.

Either way, 4 Loko is stupid. Get over it. Maybe a Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse comparison is in order.

Also, I think a good measure of a man is the Texts From Last Night that people send them and ask if they are about them. These are two that I got today:

(417) Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese and "made it rain"?

and

(541) He's the only one I know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour about the science in Star Wars and still get laid.


There you have it folks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make it rain. Mmm.