GAFABP

Friday! BOO YA! In your face, other days.

Dear Tony,
My hands sweat a lot so I get uncomfortable when people go to shake my hand. Then I get more uncomfortable when I don't shake their hand. What should I do?

Moist-handed girl.

Thanks for writing M-HG,

First off, that's a super creepy name. If I met a hot girl and she told me her name was "Moist-handed girl" I'd probably feel bad about making out with her. Just so you know - I am writing this response with an image of a nervous, fidgety, nigh-amphibious girl in mind. So you have that going for you.

As far as your problem goes, you have a few options.

The first option, and the one I favor, is to wear a glove like that super-creep from Of Mice and Men.

Ew.

This way, you have an air of mystery and pseudosexual creepiness about you. If that's what you are going for, this is your best option.

Option two is to just not worry about it. I never notice what other people's hands feel like when I shake them. I like how I wrote that sentence, it is ambiguous if I am shaking hands or people. Just shake their hand and hope they don't notice. Or opt for a fist bump, this is what I do when I am eating or the person looks infected.

Option three, and probably my strongest option, is to stop being a nebbish wimp. Why are your hands so sweaty? Stop being scared of the world and (wo)man up. Nobody likes a nervous nelly. Take life by the horns and your hands will dry up and become little arid deserts of success.

I hope this helps,

Tony