GAFABP

So, first Friday of the new schedule and I have one GAFABP for you. I wanted more but you jerks didn't send them.

Dear Tone Bone,
I have been living in San Francisco for four years now. Don't get me wrong, it's my favorite but, I can't shake the whole "something's missing" feeling. Your thoughts?
Tongues Out,
Megha

Dear Megaman,

Ahh, many people on the west coast share this feeling of yours. They are missing something, some je ne sais quois they can't quite place. This essential, tough to recognize element missing on your temperate coast is, what I like to call, people who aren't douche bags. While your life my be full of perfect weather, beautiful people and all sorts of vegan delicacies, what it is missing is people who don't have their heads up their asses. Come to the east coast where you can enjoy being berated by strangers, whose feelings of better-than-you-ness aren't hidden behind massive sunglasses, v neck shirts and drop crotch pants. Here in Philadelphia, you get the burgeoning gay night life you've come to love in SF but without the entire city smelling like a wharf. Ours smells like a shit refinery atop a pissy subway car. I've been to San Francisco! Your hobos are so charming with their clever signs and shticks, but you might enjoy the veritas that is masturbating homeless men who will probably stab you. So gritty! Don't worry, we have Whole Foods too.

So, to answer your question, all these sun bleached Californiatards have made you forget what real people are like. You need more angry, hurried, jumpy people in your life. The constant threat of violence and tongue lashings will really put a hop in your step. Hey, you might get tased or puked on! I hope this helps.

Yours,
Tony


Well there you have my first foray into GAFABP. Keep them coming please and I will continue to berate you.

Got my car back today. I think the culprit behind all these wacky hijinx was a mouse! A little mouse crawled up into my car before I had it and chewed through a bunch of wires, causing the multi thousand dollar nightmare foisted upon me. Thanks mouse. Dick.