GAFABP

A GAFABP - on a Monday? Yes. Deal with it.

Dear Tony,

I am a super hot 20-something living in the city, all the men who look at me are too nervous to come and talk to me, probably because of all the hotness exuding from my pores. My question is this: what can I do to turn down all this hotness so I can get a date? I definitely didn't attach a picture to this because I do not want to date you Tony, even though I thoroughly enjoy your blog.

Love,

Super Hot Girl

Thanks for writing SHG,

To my readers: she is lying. She does want to date me.

To you, Super Hot Girl, I can offer this modest advice. First, you probably want to talk about less things "exuding from your pores" because that's gross. No one wants to think about pores or things coming out of them or any of that such stuff. Leave that alone.

Second, are you sure it is your hotness that is deflecting potential suitors? Are you sure you aren't ugly? That might be it. You very well could be ugly. Nothing is worse than a girl who thinks she's hotter than she is. I developed a formula for this.

Hp-H=T or, Self-Perceived hotness minus actual hotness equals how much Tony is going to want to hit on you. Your score here should be negative for best results. Nothing is better than a girl who is hotter than she thinks she is. This is where dudes can get some real value. Any girl with a score of two or above in this formula is not worth your time and should be ignored and belittled until their perceived hotness drops to acceptable levels.

If this isn't the case, and you are actually super hot, then enjoy it. There are so few of us. Just keep being hot, someone will man up and date you - I promise.

I hope this helps,

Tony

Playlists

Today's playlist is simple enough - cover songs better than the originals. I'm going to try to leave out the obvious ones, and the ones that have no business being on this list. As always, I'm going to make a playlist of songs that I would want to listen to.

Get it! Pennsylvania!

1. I Don't Wanna Grow Up - The Ramones This is what a cover should be, it shows what is great about both bands. Tom Waits' world class songwriting translates to ANY band, and the Ramones' pop-infused punk handles it so well.
2. Under my Thumb - Social Distortion Great song, great cover. The cover brings something new to the table, while still delivering on the original's promise. Take that, girl!
3. Kick Out the Jams - Bad Brains This one is violating the playlist a little, it is not better than the original, because I don't know if any song is. But! I couldn't resist putting Bad Brains WITH Henry Rollins covering the greatest song of all time on the list. Apologies to American Nightmare and Rage Against the Machine (whose version is very disappointing).
4. Tears of a Clown - The Beat I love this version of Smokey Robinson's classic because it takes it in a completely different direction, but somehow still manages to pull off the sentiment.
5. Mr. Grieves - TV on the Radio An a capella version of a Pixies song by one of today's most talented bands.
6. Pink Houses - Avail I had to. This song means a lot to me.
7. 99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger Is this a guilty pleasure? I don't care, this is a great song.
8. Ain't no Sunshine - Wovenhand The man behind 16 Horsepower takes one of my favorite songs of all time and makes it spooky and tidal.
9. Easy - Faith No More This one is a little obvious, but Mike Patton destroying Lionel Richie deserves a spot on my list.
10. Lights Out - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones The Bosstones covering the Angry Samoans classic about poking your eyes out.
11. Holy Diver - Killswitch Engage I enjoy this song too much.
12. Like a Prayer - H2O I added this if only for my memories of dudes in basketball jersey circle pitting and singing along to Madonna.
13. Chesterfield King - Face to Face I love their whole covers album (Standards and Practices), but this is my favorite, and the one they execute best.

GAFABP

Back in the saddle! Also have some exciting news for you fools, stay tuned.

Good Advice from a Bad Person! Hooray!

Dear Tony,

Often times at work I have to deal with old, crotchety people on the phone who are dealing with computer issues. 98% of the time, these issues are due to their own incompetence. How would you recommend telling these self-centered geriatrics to go fuck themselves without saying something that would get me fired? Also, I have a voice that makes me sound like kind of a dick...and I tend to tear people down who are even slightly wrong...and I don't like anybody. Help?

Kisses,

Whisper-screaming "Fuck" Loudly When I Hang Up Every Phone Call

Well W-S"F"LWIHUEPC,

If your letter taught me one thing - it's that my readers have a common enemy - the olds. Olds continue to be a blight on my readership, frustrating and terrorizing the gentlefolk who love my blog.

All of my old advice (smiling and nodding, taking comfort in their impending deaths) still applies.

But, I can't leave it at that. You need some personalized, special advice. First off, your voice should make you sound like a dick. This is ok. This is probably because you are better than most people you talk to, and your subtle inflection and diction should convey this. Don't stop. Don't you ever stop.

Tearing people down who are even slightly wrong is a good thing. You are an advanced student already. People who are wrong need to know it, tearing them down works, as does belittling them and simply chortling so they draw their own conclusions about their personal ineptitude.

You don't like anybody? Join the club! Anybody sucks.

On to the advice. Since you're not smart and/or skilled enough to not have a job where you have to talk olds through the nuances of double-clicking vs. single-clicking, quitting would seem to be out. What you have to remember is that old people are easily confused and misdirected. You could probably tell most of them to go fuck themselves without getting in trouble as long as you immediately change the subject to something old friendly. I suggest bananas or coupons.

An example

Old: "Waaaah I'm a shitty old crone and it's your fault I can't comprehend basic functions of a machine that has been around for almost twenty years waaaah"
You: "Go fuck yourself you crotchety dustfucker"
Old: "Waaaaaah what's that? Speak up"
You: "Holy Toledo! Bananas are on special at Safeway this week, I bet you could annoy their underpaid manager into giving you a few free ones if you start to talk about your colostomy bag!"
Old: "Waaah what a great idea! Thanks for the tip! I will now offer you some disgusting candy nobody eats except shitty old people as long as you sit through some super long rambling story about things that have nothing to do with each other."
You: "Go fuck yourself"

Do all of this,

Tony


Despite being able to do this, this guy still shits his pants daily.

Playlist

I'm posting up one of my favorite types of playlists, and it probably is only the first installment. The BREAK UP PLAYLIST. A very easy playlist to gather songs for, since musicians are babies who get dumped constantly and write songs about it. Now there's all sorts of break up songs; angry, sad, hopeful, different hopeful etc. We'll see how this one plays out.

Nothing to see here.

1. No Children - The Mountain Goats Let's start this one off with a bang "I hope I lie / and tell everyone you were a good wife / And I hope you die / I hope we both die"
2. Puke + Cry - Dinosaur Jr. It's called Puke + Cry, I think you get it. I love Dinosaur Jr.
3. When will you come home? - Galaxie 500 I love this band, they are great to fall asleep to. This is one of the sad break up songs.
4. Jericho RVA - Running in Circles "When it's all over we'll say we had it good / what a backwards way of saying what we mean" Excellent band, like if Avail and Hot Water Music had a baby. That reminds me!
5. Hot Water Music - The Sleeping Fan "I spent everything I had / and I gave everything I could to you / and I left myself with nothing but a burning mess" We were due for an angry one. Burning mess? Nice.
6. Exit Wounds - Tim Barry I think the title is unsubtle enough here.
7. Nights Like These - Lucero Being a drunk, warbling, pseudo-country band you better be able to write good break up songs. And Lucero is. This is probably their best.
8. Dedicate it - The Afghan Whigs This entire playlist could be Afghan Whigs songs, Dulli makes great, evil, heartbreaking break up songs, but this is probably my favorite.
9. O'Rourke's, 1:20 AM - The Good Life This is a song about how everything sucks just a little more when you are recently single. Their best break up song is definitely Inmates, but I couldn't bring myself to put a nine-minute song on this list.
10. The Martyr - Cursive Wow, this song is brutal. I needed to put a song on here about how shitty I am. "Sweet baby don't cry / Your tears are only alibis / to prove you still feel"
11. Don't Hate Me - The Get Up Kids This one is one of the positive, hopeful break up songs. Well, every break up I played this song during ended up permanent, so there's that. Plus I just love Four Minute Mile so much, I had to include it.
12. Rocks Tonic Juice Magic - Saves the Day Saves the Day and the Get up Kids are forever linked in my mind, so I had to use my favorite STD break up song. "You and I are like when fire and the ocean floor collide" was certainly a favorite AOL away message among girls I knew back in the day.
13. Nice and Blue - mewithoutyou "You were a song I couldn't sing / You were a story I couldn't tell /I've only ever loved myself / but I've loved myself so well" Their name is mewithoutyou for Christ's sake, I had to include them. I love this song

13 already? There will definitely be a part two to this one in the future. There are just too many break up songs out there. Or maybe I've just had too many break ups. Either way, you win.

Diary of a Hater

Here's a quick list of reasons you look stupid.

Girls in baseball hats You aren't fooling anyone - I get it, you didn't wash your hair. It makes your tiny head look stupid and that greasy ponytail hanging out the back is gross. I don't like girls in hats, your pink Phillies hat isn't winning me over. I'll hate it even more if it's some dopey mesh hat at a jaunty angle. Gross. You have to be a special girl to be able to pull off the J-Lo hat, you probably aren't. Steer clear.

Look how dumb she looks, and she's way prettier than you.

Guys with Goatees So which is it, are you a minor league baseball player or Blockbuster employee? Because that's what you look like. You know what both of these guys have in common? They are weirdos who spend their entire lives with dudes, dudes who aren't particularly good judges of facial hair choices. You don't look like an old movie villain, prince or actor - you look like a 19 year old experimenting with his dad's razor. To be fair, a few guys can pull this off, but you probably aren't one of them.

This is actually a secret scientology signifier for 'jackass'

Obviously, chinstraps are out too. Don't be that guy. Unless you're over 40, don't grow a mustache, irony is a dead scene.

Any of these horrible T-shirts


abortion

Jesus, these shirts are terrible. First and foremost, they are heinous. These are some of the ugliest shirts I have ever seen. Second, these shirts prove to me that you love watching dudes roll around in underpants and punch each other, and that you will get VERY ANGRY that I just called you gay (if you understood my implication, that is). Tapout? Your shirt says tapout? Ok, let's see how long it takes. Just combine one of these with a chinstrap beard so I can run you over with my car. Thanks.

Nerd Rock

Another playlist, lucky you. This one is for you nerds.
Again, I tried to make a playlist that I would actually want to listen to, and hopefully introduce you to some cool music you might not know. Also, best picture.

BEST.


1. Fett's Vette - MC Chris A rap about Boba Fett's hard life and fiscal plans? Yes please.
2. We are 138 - The Misfits "But Tony! The Misfits aren't nerds!" Oh really? This song is a reference to George Lucas' first film, THX 1138. Bam!
3. Bikeage - Descendents One of my favorite songs by the punk-nerd godfathers. I don't think I have to run down their nerd cred, but one look at their logo should be plenty.
4.C'Est Super - Daedelus I was lucky enough to meet "Daedelus" once, when I nerdily asked him if he was named after the mythological Daedelus, or the literary Daedelus from James Joyce, I was shocked to find out it was even nerdier than that. Apparently he is named after some giant robot from some giant robot show. Not my nerd forte, but unbelievably nerdy anyway.
5. In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 - Coheed and Cambria This song kicks of the narrative of a sweeping and embarrassingly nerdy concept album about robots and space and all sorts of geeky shit. Their first album is certainly better, but this one fits better here. Also of nerdnote, an homage to Rush's homage to scifi, 2113.
6. Holiday Song - Pixies For a band who all look like high school teachers, they made some incredible music - a victory for those of us who look the part.
7. The Temple - The Afghan Whigs A cover of a song from Jesus Christ Superstar. Yup.
8. Hold the Line - Major Lazer You need to watch the video to fully appreciate how nerdy Diplo got with this. This song/band is based on a fictional character who lost his arm in the "zombie wars" and had it replaced with a lazer gun. Bonus points in the video for action figures.
9. Punk Rock Academy - Atom and His Package THE nerd punk anthem. Bonus points for Philadelphia!
10. Guitar and Video Games - Sunny Day Real Estate I couldn't leave out an incredible and beautiful song called Guitar and Video Games
11. The Devil and Maggie Chascarillo - Lucero One of my favorite bands doing their song about Love & Rockets.
12. Thought I was - Rainer Maria Naming your band after a German poet who died almost 100 years ago is pretty nerdy.
13. Flight of Icarus - Iron Maiden Tons of their songs are nerdy, but I had to go with the one about Icarus.

You Lucky Drunks

I don't drink. I have never been drunk, and no real desire to be drunk. That being said, there are some things I miss out on being the handsome teetotaler I am. I've compiled a list of the top things you lucky drunks get that I do not.

This looks fun.

Excuses "In my defense, I've been drinking." Being drunk is a surprisingly good excuse for many behaviors I personally have no justification for. Remember the time that guy went through that window? Or maybe I was hitting on an ugly girl, or maybe I threw a bunch of glasses and plates into the trash can at the end of the bar. No, I was sober, but somehow I'd be a little more off the hook had I had a few too many.

Variety You know what my choices are when I go to a bar? Soda or water. I guess I could have some iced tea if they have it, or one of the mixers they use for your infinitely customizable alcoholic beverages, but really it's soda or water. You have beer, wine, cocktails, alcohol straight - it's a buffet at even the crappiest of dive bars. Think of me next time you are trying to choose which IPA to drink and I'm stuck with watered down diet coke or diet coked up water.

The world is your oyster! Your oyster that will give you a hangover and new STD

Something else to be a snob about Wine snobs, beer snobs, booze snobs - all snobs. Somehow this snobbery goes over better than my early-90s hardcore music snobbery, or my book snobbery or my famous sci-fi trilogy snobbery. I'm trying to be a rootbeer snob, but this just doesn't have the same gravity as someone who only drinks Chilean wine or local microbrews.

Gin, Whiskey and Scotch Drinking these spirits would go so well with my carefully cultivated persona. Sipping a nice glass of Whiskey after a long day would give me so much more credibility over cracking open a Diet Pepsi or refilling my Britta.

Mutual drunken acceptance There's just something odd about the sober guy. I understand this, I find most non-drinkers off-putting. There are things I just can't do. Drunk girls think it's creepy when a sober guy talks to them. I get left out of some of the drunken, shared reverie.

Drinking games A lot of drinking games are stupid and embarrassing, but being the competitive guy I am, I'd love to be able to show off my throwing-a-ping-pong-ball-into-a-plastic-cup-half-full-of-warm-beer-and-floor-dirt skills. But you won't let me! I am not allowed to play if I am not drinking said floor-dirt beer. Alas.

Credibility I feel I just lack a certain credibility with no drinking tales or feats or preferences on my resume. No I don't know which wine will go well with your salmon, no I don't have the rite of passage puke story, no I have no idea how many beers I can drink. Also, as a fledgling writer, I am definitely lacking one of the key skillsets most great writers share - crippling alcoholism.

Privacy You guys never have to answer the question "why don't you drink, Tony?" No, I am not in recovery, no my parents aren't alcoholics, no I am not scared of becoming addicted, no I didn't have a bad experience, no I'm not some creepy religious zealot - I just don't drink.

I am glad I don't drink, and have no REAL desire to do so, but these are the reasons I am a little jealous of you who sip the spirits out there.

So, there you have it, drunks. Be glad you have these things, enjoy drinking just a little more for these reasons next time. Have one for me.

Elephant

I haven't been writing this week. There's an elephant in the room I couldn't bring myself to write about, and writing about something else felt cheap.

I have a friend. I met him in elementary school where he got me into comic books and we played X-Men on the jungle gym. He loved the superheroes he read about, and I couldn't help but try to be like him and learn all I could about these super-powered characters. He was the toughest kid I knew, but in a build-a-tree-fort way, not a bully or jock way.

He grew up and put his super powers to good use. He became a Corpsman. Basically, he was a Marine Medic - a navy-trained medic attached to a Marine unit.

Last week he was injured in the line of duty. He was hurt bad. I am having trouble thinking about anything besides him, his family and his recovery.

He has accomplished something remarkable. He has become one of the heroes we read about and pretended to be so long ago. There's no more pretending, and no more games - he gave me heroes as a kid and now he is my hero. Thank you.

Super

Here's a playlist that I came up with on my own. Thanks for nothing, readers.

This is the playlist of songs that make me feel awesome. This is the list of songs that play in my head at all times. Blame these for my massive ego, or blame my massive ego for constantly playing these songs in my head, either way. These songs make me feel better, they make me feel like I can do anything, they occasionally make me do bad stuff - they are the stuff that dreams are made of.

Pow!

1. Tony's Theme - Pixies "This is a song about a superhero named Tony" Pretty straightforward. To-ny To-ny To-ny.
2. My Hero - Foo Fighters This song gives me goosebumps when I picture myself in slow motion saving people from a fire or vanquishing foes set to this.
3. Hustlin' - Rick Ross Best first line of all time. This song once got me so excited in the bar I slapped my friend in the balls, just because this song was on.
4. More Human Than Human - White Zombie More human than human? That has to be a good thing, right?
5. Street Walkin' - Dan Auerbach The first few times I heard this song I thought he was saying "sheet walking." I created this old-timey saying in my head based on pirates that was "sheet-walking" - the tides are high, the wind is whipping and there you are, atop the sails and masts and crow's nest, defiant. Sheet walkin' - pretty badass right? Street walkin' is badass too, I guess.
6. The Mariner's Revenge Song - The Decemberists A nigh nine-minute pirate-themed revenge opus? Yes please.
7. Search and Destroy - Iggy & The Stooges I AM a street-walkin' cheetah with a heart full of napalm.
8. Where Eagles Dare - The Misfits "I ain't no goddamn son of a bitch" and it's named after a movie about killing Nazis. This.
9. Simple Song - Avail My favorite song of all time.
10. Through the Fire and the Flames - Dragonforce I couldn't resist.
11. Birthday - Kid Dynamite Every list like this needs some Philly sing-along posi hardcore.
12. Party Hard - Andrew WK I like to party.
13. Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses Every badass needs a badassed car, and this was my favorite car's theme song.

I feel like going out and kicking some ass now. What are your songs to get you stoked up? Feel free to go out and do some awesome shit to these songs, that's kind of the point.

Playlists

Good news everyone!

!

ALL playlists now have a listenable playlist widget! Hooray! Just click on the playlist label on the right sidebar or at the bottom of this post to see all of them. Listen! Enjoy!

GAFABP

Friday! BOO YA! In your face, other days.

Dear Tony,
My hands sweat a lot so I get uncomfortable when people go to shake my hand. Then I get more uncomfortable when I don't shake their hand. What should I do?

Moist-handed girl.

Thanks for writing M-HG,

First off, that's a super creepy name. If I met a hot girl and she told me her name was "Moist-handed girl" I'd probably feel bad about making out with her. Just so you know - I am writing this response with an image of a nervous, fidgety, nigh-amphibious girl in mind. So you have that going for you.

As far as your problem goes, you have a few options.

The first option, and the one I favor, is to wear a glove like that super-creep from Of Mice and Men.

Ew.

This way, you have an air of mystery and pseudosexual creepiness about you. If that's what you are going for, this is your best option.

Option two is to just not worry about it. I never notice what other people's hands feel like when I shake them. I like how I wrote that sentence, it is ambiguous if I am shaking hands or people. Just shake their hand and hope they don't notice. Or opt for a fist bump, this is what I do when I am eating or the person looks infected.

Option three, and probably my strongest option, is to stop being a nebbish wimp. Why are your hands so sweaty? Stop being scared of the world and (wo)man up. Nobody likes a nervous nelly. Take life by the horns and your hands will dry up and become little arid deserts of success.

I hope this helps,

Tony

Me and Courtney

Stealing an idea/request from @ShmittenKitten

I don't know if you guys know this or not, but Courtney Love (UK) and I are dating. Here is a transcript of our sexts - and by that I mean here are some fictional responses I am making to tweets she has tweeted.

Me: Hollllllller
CL(UK): I'm so heavily anguished at the cowardice of people who love me, I'm so sad for us all I'm hari-kari girl. I'll be good w thebtruth.
Me: You don't have to be anguished, I'm cool. Don't sword yourself? Is that what you are saying? You so crazy.
CL(UK): dunno but im cackling my ass off at madge right now, i love it when she tried to piss me off,,,, my art collection is still better mama.
Me: Good too see your spirits are lifted. Your comma collection is certainly better than Madonna's
CL(UK): Just discovered yr blog awesopme! amazing!
Me: You just found it? Took you long enough. I always figured my blog was how I landed such a catch
CL(UK): Bear you are a thrillionare! geek god!
Me: Aww thanks Court, I am the Brad Pitt of Bears. You know how much I love your drug addled, nonsensical compliments
CL(UK): You look amazing!
Me: I know right! Any advice on how to stay this bearly?
CL(UK):Eat up lover - the key to a healthy mind is a healthy body - sg
Me: Thanks for the tip, but are you quoting Suicide Girls?
CL(UK): locked out am last night and now i cant make the remote work
Me: That would explain the poorly attributed quotes, I suppose.
Cl(UK): sobs. i know fucking pathetic. i think i'm about to become a mistress never a job i wanted, kinda icky
Me: Losing the remote isn't that big of a deal, and I told you that married to sea tattoo is a metaphor. You can't actually marry the sea. Are you still upset about this? what's wrong?
CL(UK): oh nothing just shattered and crying in my fucking pillow. wishing i was...Not dead just not feeling so sickened. Options? Yes
Me: Courtney, baby, I'm not married to the sea. You can't marry a body of water.
CL(UK): I'm a lifeless rag, so set me on fire. Ennui is killing my vibrant good decent soul. Pathetic meet courtney, Courtney meet pathetic "hello"
Me: Seriously, Courtney, I am not married to anyone. Chill out.
Cl(UK):what else can possibly go wrong. oh plenty. tons, you only get references for good lawyers once in strawberry moon and its killing me
Me: Strawberry moon? That's not a real thing.
CL(UK): every blue moon i take an ambien, last night i did, its vile
Me: Blue moons aren't every day, but that's a real thing at least. Are we still on for tonight?
CL(UK): no,,,, rock n roll tonight please.
Me: Stop showing off your comma collection, Madonna is not jealous. Why aren't we seeing each other? Is there another man? Are you seeing someone else? Who are you dating?
CL(UK): funny man @georgelopez xoxoxoxo
Me: Whore.


There you have it, the bitter end to my torrid Love affair. Those are all actual tweets from Courtney Love's new twitter account.

Couple things

First, if you park your vanity-plated Smart car illegally in front of my apartment again, I'm going to throw it on the roof like a grumpy neighbor with a petulant child's frisbee. That won't be fun for you, now will it?

I'm pretty stoked I was able to cook up a way to put my playlists on here for you to listen to. I don't know if you can download them from here, but that's your job.

I'll work on getting the other playlists up here, and going forward.

Don't y'all forget about GAFABP now, ya hear? I haven't done one of those in a while.

Enjoy this picture.

Bam!

Gimmicky

Another.

Today's playlist is a bit of a challenge for me since I don't like relaxing and my musical vocabulary proves it.

The best part of this was definitely scrolling through unhappy hipsters looking for a suitable picture. Plus I feel even less bad for stealing their pictures than I usually do, since most of theirs are pinched from Dwell (which I am suddenly ashamed to read). That website certainly captures (sarcastically) the existential dismay that is living in fancy, post-modern homes.

This is a playlist for a Sunday morning. Perhaps you've woken up next to a comely companion, perhaps you'll joyfully waste the day away, perhaps this moment plucked from your life is one that will stick with you curiously, perhaps perhaps perhaps.


It was really hard not to use Helvetica for this. It just felt so right it was wrong. Click me!

1. I Don't Mind - The Decemberists What are the chances the fictional couple in that picture don't listen to The Decemberists? None? Less than that? I also enjoy them. Crap.
2. Mambo Sun - T. Rex I find glam relaxing. Plus this song would totally impress a lady waking up next to me. T. Rex has one of the best band names and album covers ever.
3. This Must Be The Place - The Talking Heads Sticking with the glammish theme here, I love this song
4. Relative Ways - ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead One of their mellowest songs - I can't believe this is their first appearance on one of my playlists.
5. Velouria - The Bad Plus A three piece jazz ensemble covering The Pixies? I win at hipness.
6. I Shall Be Released - The Band One of two bands my parents got me into.
7. Thirteen - Big Star You have to like Big Star if you want to be respected by anyone. Alex Chilton is an indie-rock god and has a Replacements song named after him
8. Paper Boats - Nada Surf The band best known for the late 90's MTV anthem "Popular" made some great records.
9. Bees Bein' Strugglin' - The Octopus Project An experimental electronic band from Austin named after a cephalopod? Scene points through the roof!
10. Cut Your Hair - Pavement Sometimes I want to hear some A-list college rock, ok?
11. Section 9 (Light & Day/Reach for the Sun) - Polyphonic Spree This song makes me inexplicably happy. Deal with it.
12. Hey Sandy - Polaris You know this song, even if you don't know you know it. Look it up, you'll be awesomely surprised when you hear it.
13. Gorilla Meat - Jogger A pleasant hippy-electronic tune. Get into it. UYD4L

That playlist made me want to do crosswords and eat eggs, mission accomplished.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

Sorry kids, hope you missed me yesterday.

Keep the playlist ideas coming, we have some good ones. And some weird ones. Keep up the good/weird work.

So I was watching Planet Earth on Blu Ray (us bloggers live the life) last night, and came upon this hilarious/terrifying when dead dude.

Kill it with fire.

That's a deer skull. A deer with fangs. Why do deer need fangs? Simply to terrify me? Well, good luck looking like this:


Pet it with fire.

Ummm, ok, in theory fangs sound cool and all, but this execution is terrible. He looks like the joker deer who puts chop sticks in his mouth at dinner to make his deer buddies laugh. Your skull is way more terrifying than you are.

In other news, I still need a job and have yet to become a millionaire writer. You guys probably thought one or both of those things was the reason I didn't post yesterday. You'd be wrong. I didn't post yesterday because I am lazy.

My actual recent playlist:
Gaslight Anthem
Cap'n Jazz
Lucero
Descendents
UYD

In my days of looking at things on the internet, I've seen some crazy, horrible stuff. Then I came across this. That website is horrible. In all the terribleness that exists on the internet, that site might take the cake. And the cake is made of barf and shame. Seriously don't click that link. I don't even know why I posted it. If you can't figure out what bad-dragon.com/toys might be, then you probably aren't prepared for it, and if you are prepared for it, I probably don't want you anywhere near me.

Edit: after a few complaints - that link is Not Safe For Work. Obviously, since it's pretty much Not Safe for Life. Also feel free to play my game - which of your friends is most likely to own one of those?