Rodeo

That about sums up where I am right now, mentally, spiritually and pizzally.

I'm super old update:

I graduated from high school ten years ago this week. Ten years is a really, really long time. If I could time machine back to that day and see myself, I would say:

Keep up the good work?

I don't know. I should probably have something profound here.
-How about, You aren't going to marry any of 'em, so dump 'em when you think of it. It's easier that way and then your R2D2 poster won't get destroyed and you won't have to punch that guy with the earrings and bad tattoos.
-Don't park your car in front of your apartment on Cricket Ave., that car was bitching and some asshole is going to steal it.
-You are totally right, naps are always a waste of time. I regret nothing but the naps.
-You still don't like Chinese food.
-Would it kill you to exercise once in a while you lazy ass?
-All those Phillies games you turn down tickets to turn out awesome. I'm not going to spoil the surprise, but it rhymes with ho nitter.
-They see you rollin, they hatin
-He makes it, she doesn't, be strong for your mom.
-Avail doesn't come back for like seven years, don't miss that show.
-Your beard is awesome. You single handedly bring beards back.
-Forgive. Always.
-Don't sweat the technique.
-Be excellent to each other.

I think that about sums it up. You're doing a good job kid, it gets better.

I also am old because:

-I got my new license yesterday. My picture looks exactly the same. This one expires in 2015, but I'll probably have to renew for my hover car license before then.
-One of my best friends turns 30 today. Ew.

X Gonna Give it to Ya

I wish this post were about DMX, as I relate pretty much everything to him lately.

But it's not. I saw X-Men: First Class last night. And typing that out for the first time, I realize that's kind of a stupid name. First Class. Classy X-Men. Whatever, it was pretty good.

Except January Jones, she is terrible and I hate her. Also Mystique was slutty, petulant and annoying, but I suppose that is probably appropriate.

I consider myself pretty hip and "with it" and blah blah WHAT THE FUCK, INTERNET? You are making less and less sense and not even in a good, Nyan Cat way.

What the HELL is with these stupid "that awkward moment..." things?

HAHAH I saw movies! Haha I get it! Funny movie! *fatkidfartnoiseface*

The internet, that's not awkward, nor is it a moment, and it's not funny or anything else good. Most of these "awkward moment" things aren't even complete sentences or thoughts. While doing my typical deep, probing and thorough research for this post, I googled "that awkward moment" - that was a terrible mistake. That google hole plunged me into a deep despair and I found myself wishing for the world to end and to never have existed in the first place. Thanks. Most of these "awkward moments" are things like "that awkward moment when you eat a pudding" or "that awkward moment when your foot is asleep" WHAT? Why would anyone talk about that? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Or they are fake, like those horrible fake TFLN. Why would you make up a TFLN? You are the worst human. "That awkward moment when you are so cool and you quote a movie and then you are handsome!" I made that one up.

Oh the internet, I guess I shouldn't expect so much from a thing run by people who are either mentally or actually thirteen.

Let's go back, internet, you and me babe, let's go back to porkchop sandwiches and unforgivable. C'mon, for old time's sake. Just a little. Yeah. C'mon c'mon. Yeah.

I was going to embed the video for Ghost Town DJ's My Boo here, but my computer is disagreeing with YouTube right now. So, play that song, imaging me captioning it with "this is a pretty good summer jam" and be on your way.