Diary of a Hater

First up today, The Wire. But Tony! This is your column where you hate stuff! You can't possibly hate The Wire! It's soooooo gooooooood.

Ok I didn't hate the wire. I was just underwhelmed. This show was hyped to me, recommended to me, by so many people whose opinions I respect. And they were wrong.

The whole thing felt so emporer's-new-clothes to me. Everyone heard this show was so great and I guess they wanted to make sure they were aboard that train. They didn't want to not get it.

Maybe I didn't get it.



I'm the only likable character!


So what did y'all like about it so much? How real it was? How do you know? How do you know that this show is so real and true and honest to the streets of Baltimore's drug trade? You don't. You just say that. And it isn't that real. The cheese stands alone. Lots of gangsters like nursery rhymes.

The whole thing was chugging along nicely until the last season. I have never seen a show that jumped the shark harder than The Wire. So much so that I'm going to start calling it ******** *** **** instead of jumping the shark. Spoiler edit. Season five was so bad and so disappointing. First, it was completely off the rails plot wise. The characters either changed completely or had unclear motives for their insane actions. The show became a parody of itself with winks, nods and cameos. I'm surprised there wasn't a musical episode.

So, if you're keeping score - the Wire had five seasons, one awful season (5) one pointless, throwaway season (2), one forgettable season (3) and two very good seasons (1 & 4). 2/5 might get it done for baseball players, but you should probably do better than that if you are the "greatest show of all time."

Everyone loves how they "tied up all the loose ends" during season five. They did this largely through a cheesy and pedantic montage at the end a la the breakfast club. I'm surprised the show didn't end with a freeze frame of McNulty with his fist in the air. Also those tie-ups were disappointing. One of my favorite characters drifted out to sea, plot wise, never to be heard from again. And one of the only endearing young characters had a tragic fall, completely out of character. It felt like Simon was trying to real it up by putting him down.

As a whole, The Wire is a good television show with some great moments. It has plenty of faults. I watched the show with great scrutiny because of all the praise it received, and it fell under its own weight.

Here's a bonus hate for you: People who swing way out to the right to turn left. Learn how to turn dummies.