Tony's Always Right / Diary of a Hater

Hey, nice goal USA - but seriously if this makes more people name their sons Landon, it'll be for naught. Why not Lando? Lando>Landon. When I get rich, I'm buying some professional sports team, moving them to Florida and renaming them the Orlando Calrissians. They will be the best team ever and wear purple capes. The end.

Baron Administrator? I think you mean Space Pimp.

You know what I don't hate? Finally having a phone that works. Android for life! Android>iOS

Awwww

Heyyyy everybody, be better at driving please. Those lines painted on the ground? Park between them. Not just near them, or on them. I know you can't really drive that massive SUV your Dentist husband bought for you so you wouldn't have to be seen in a minivan, but please, try to keep it between the lines. And yo, bro, I know that's a beemer and all, but put it in a spot. I know you're in a hurry, as evidenced by your bluetooth conversation, but putting your hazards on out front to grab your quad iced venti non-fat two pump sugar free vanilla caramel macchiato is not an acceptable excuse.

There are bad drivers everywhere, but most girls are mostly bad. I've noticed recently this driving strategy a lot of girls have adopted. Was there a driving lesson episode of Sex & the City or something? Are these instructions stitched inside Ugg Boots? HOW DID SO MANY GIRLS LEARN THE SAME SHITTY WAY TO DRIVE?

Alright, here's the technique - See that car in front of you? get as close as you can. Not to pass them, just to follow them. Get as close as you can with that stupid lei hanging off your rear view and just stay there. So many girls do this. I've had them behind me, in their Eclipse, with a Roxy sticker, checking their hair in their rearview mirror which is pointed at them and not the road, getting way too close. So, my natural reaction when a car comes up quickly behind me is to just scoot out of the way and let them pass. BUT THEY DON'T PASS. You change lanes and then they just hang there, where you left them, lost. Left to their own devices, with no car to follow, they don't know what to do. Their dopey cars just hanging there in the left lane, with them inside making the face a dog makes when you ask it a math problem.


Wait, what?

Why do they all do this? How did so many girls learn to drive this way? It's baffling.



Hey ladies, stick to the hoods.