Boyz II Men

Here's my final Phillyist column.

Short and sweet. ish.

GAFABP 2.0

Ok, so I am moving onward and upward with Good Advice From a Bad Person, including:

Goodadvicefromabadperson@gmail.com

and

@GAFABP on twitter!


Figured out how to forward my gmail, but does anyone know an easy way to manage two twitter accounts?

Rodeo

I was sick all weekend.

I slept for 17 of the 24 hours between 2 am Saturday and 2 am Sunday. I never do that. It was bizarre.

Yesterday was the "Christmas" party at Cheers. I think I have a hangover despite not drinking. But I won a prize? So there's that.

Also: football, annoying whore cat, Target, watermelon juice, cough medicine brain freeze, not enough degrees, tapas, all my electronics turning on me, else.

Via Black and wtf.

Gimme books to read.

Someone suggested Martin Amis. I started reading Time's Arrow because it was the only book of his the book store had, but it is kind of annoying to read. I mean, I think that is kind of the point?

So, on to Phillyist:

Phillyist is shutting down. Meaning, my Good Advice From a Bad Person columns are now homeless, at least as far as a home beyond here.

If anyone knows of a spot for them to be, that'd be awesome. Especially if that spot wanted to pay me to write them. I need to get my shit together and try to find something. I should write to Philly Weekly and the City Paper.

The Phillyist editors are making a new site. But a) I don't think they like me very much anymore after I was a pain in the ass to them and b) I don't think my particular brand of wit fits with their "theater reviews!" theme. They left me out of the "here's our new idea" email until I specifically asked for it.

Onward and upward.

A Day Late

Ooooops.

My Good Advice From a Bad Person is up today instead of yesterday.

So be it.

Same Bat Channel

Here is today's Good Advice From a Bad Person.

It is about hamsters. Awwww.

Have To

Here it is, like every other Thursday.

In other news, fuck your couch.

Holler

Check out my new post over at Phillyist.

It's not the typical GAFABP, since you guys totally slacked on letters.

Also, worst week ever, seriously.

Reunited and it feels so good

Hey, sorry about that.

Hope you enjoyed your Christmas vacation from my blog.

Today I bring you two links from my time away.

First up, my GAFABP from last week.

Second up, I did a year end countdown at my editor's request. Check it out.

That second one will make you mad.

Hope y'all had an awesome holiday, and feel free to tell me what you got for Christmas. I have some very funny Christmas stories to tell, but I have to get the ok from the people involved, or just tell them anyway.

Better late than never

Column finally went up over at Phillyist. Get some!

Ps it is snowing. I love snow. And Christmas.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

Today's GAFABP is about being obsessed with celebrities.

Check it out here, over at Phillyist.

Eagles score 100 points tonight. I will almost guarantee it.

Thursday

Good Advice From a Bad Person over at Phillyist. This one featuring Mom.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

Here is today's Good Advice From a Bad Person up over at Phillyist.

It's about nightmares. It's pretty boring.

Sorry.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

You know the drill.

It's Thursday, get some Good Advice from a Bad Person over at Phillyist.

This week I tackle SAD and winter activities. Enjoy!

Good Advice From a Bad Person

As usual, here's my Good Advice From a Bad Person over at Phillyist.

This one is about ear germs, talking on the phone and being a bitter old man. Enjoy!

Good Advice From a Bad Person

Thursday! Four PM!

You should know this by now.

A Halloween advice column by me is up over at Phillyist.

Phillyist

A GAFABP I am particularily fond of is up over at Phillyist.

The editor kinda edited the shit out of it, and said I "went off the rails a little" during my "side rant" and that it needed to be "reigned in." Meh, I liked it better before.

Either way, I like it.

Phillyist

Well, this is my 100th post. I was going to write a bunch of crap to celebrate the occasion, but my blog-neglect continues. Instead this is merely a link to my latest Phillyist article.

I got some things in the pipeline, including some awesome playlists.

Please, gimme some more GAFABPs, I need em.

Also, if you see one of the GAFABPs I've already run on here up over there, don't blow up my spot. Shhhhh.

We'll have a 101st post extravaganza.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

It's Thursday at four, that means Good Advice from a Bad Person over at Phillyist.

Check it before you wreck it.

Maybe I'll see you jerks at the party tonight, I'll be the handsome one.

Supercollider

Dear Tony,

I hate my boss. I know everyone hates their boss. All bosses suck, But, I REALLY HATE MY BOSS! I have daydreams about killing him and desicrating his body. He is utterly incompetent. As my direct supervisor I feel he should at least understand and be able to perform the same job duties I do, but he can barely tie his own shoe. I need a solution. I can not go over his head and complain, because that is just plain pathetic. What I am looking for is not exactly advice, but more like corporate sabotage ideas. How can I make his life as miserable as he makes mine? We work in the same office so I need to be super stealth ninja.

Thanks,

I Dream of Burning your Eyeballs Out with a Butane Torch

Hey! IDOBYEOWABT!

It's been a while, how have you been? Why don't any of my readers make their acronyms into words. I know you can. You can be clever, it's ok.

Bosses are the pits, that's why I don't have one. You should do this also. Lose the boss. But, since you probably aren't as skilled and ambitious as I am, you will always have a boss. Have you tried passing the buck? Do what he does--just delegate down, and blame your underlings. You DO have underlings, right? Everyone needs underlings.

But, for his transgressions, your velcro-shod boss needs his comeuppance. There are always the work related things, like sending your worst customers his way, you could do. This is a good place to start. You want him to be constantly stressed and frustrated. Also, one day at work, when you are leaving, unplug all the phones. How fun would that be? He misses every call for a few hours until he realizes what you did. His higher ups, demanding customers, employees calling out--he'll miss all these calls. Plus, you could totally blame the cleaning crew for that.

Second, take it home. Turn his out-of-work life into hell. Once he's all frustrated from your terrible customers and the phone snafu, he'll be dying to get some relaxation and love and support from his family. But he wont, because of you. These are my favorite things to do to ruin families:

-Send him pizzas. This is a very rudimentary trick, but the idea of sending someone an unwanted pizza is hilarious to me.
-Sign him up for every filthy catalog ever. Every sex toy, lingerie or mail order bride catalog should come to his house. His mailbox should be full of smutty offerings daily. You can go to their websites and sign anyone up. Possibly give him an embarrassing and dirty nick name. This will make his wife hate him.
-This is the best thing to do to someone you hate, use it wisely, it's a big one. The joys of craigslist are known by many--you can find a job, apartment, girlfriend, smelly couch--anything you want. Now you can also use it to ruin your boss's life. Navigate your way to the M4M casual encounters section. Find a picture on the internet that would appeal to someone cruising the M4M casual encounters section. Post his ad. His ad will be soliciting phone sex. Make sure you mention that you "don't have anytime for games" and that you want "hot studs to be ready to go as soon as I answer." Post the picture, post the ad, post his phone number. Home and work. Put it in as many cities as you can. Re post it. This will ruin his life and he will probably have to change his phone number and maybe get divorced. You win! That's what he gets for slightly annoying you.




I have some really good playlists in the works. Any ideas?

This weekend should be awesome. Although, it's my college's five year reunion. I am SO OLD. I don't think I'm going to that. "Blogger" just doesn't impress at reunions the way it should.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

It's Thursday and that means Phillyist ran another Good Advice From a Bad Person.

This one gets a little weird.

Sorry about that, cough medicine is a hell of a drug.

I know I've been neglecting you, but soon I'll regale you with tales of triumph and tragedy, peeing in bushes, playlists and lessons and life. Or something else.