Two new theories I've come up with recently:
Daughter
In lieu of drowning her, because having a daughter would make me kill myself, I've decided to name my fair progeny Harold. No man would want to date Harold. Problem solved, baby saved.
Beard
Men should have to earn beards. You need some certified manly acts to grow this spectacular facial display of better-than-youness. Owning a fixed gear bike or animal collective LP does not earn you a beard. Having a stab wound earns you a beard. Smoking way too much weed does not earn you a beard. Winning a fight against an animal that outweighs you earns you a beard.
An inability to grow a beard obviously disqualifies you to have a beard, but it does qualify you to bemoan your horrible genetics and second class life arc. Sorry.
Showing posts with label beard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beard. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Master Plan
Here's the plan:
Start blog.
Be charming and prolific.
Write short story/novel.
Be published.
Profit.
Not seen: Work jobs, develop soul crushing ennui
I hope that my current job editing/proofing articles with the absolute worst, mind boggling grammar has yet to affect my personal style. I mean, a book written by someone who seems like they don't speak English and runs everything through a thesaurus with no understanding of what they are trying to say might be entertaining, but I don't think I have the stomach for that.
I've written things in the past. I've written good things in the past. I've written things that were performed, published, praised and enjoyed in the past. I am older, wiser and have way more funny stories now. I've shrugged of my teenage angst which stretch inappropriately into my early twenties. I still think too much and read less than I'd like and you'd suspect. I have had suspicions that my self-important assholery could find a perfect outlet in blog form.
I saw a woman wearing her shoes on the wrong feet today, it reminded me of you.
I suspect I'll write a little about the things I enjoy, and a lot about the things I hate. I mean, hey you can like all the same crap I do, but I'll really be impressed if our hate venn-diagrams overlap. I'm channeling Bukowski, Camus and Thor.
likes:
Baseball
Sneakers
Beard
Beef n' Carb diet
Rock
Roll
Sharks
hates:
Everything else
Start blog.
Be charming and prolific.
Write short story/novel.
Be published.
Profit.
Not seen: Work jobs, develop soul crushing ennui
I hope that my current job editing/proofing articles with the absolute worst, mind boggling grammar has yet to affect my personal style. I mean, a book written by someone who seems like they don't speak English and runs everything through a thesaurus with no understanding of what they are trying to say might be entertaining, but I don't think I have the stomach for that.
I've written things in the past. I've written good things in the past. I've written things that were performed, published, praised and enjoyed in the past. I am older, wiser and have way more funny stories now. I've shrugged of my teenage angst which stretch inappropriately into my early twenties. I still think too much and read less than I'd like and you'd suspect. I have had suspicions that my self-important assholery could find a perfect outlet in blog form.
I saw a woman wearing her shoes on the wrong feet today, it reminded me of you.
I suspect I'll write a little about the things I enjoy, and a lot about the things I hate. I mean, hey you can like all the same crap I do, but I'll really be impressed if our hate venn-diagrams overlap. I'm channeling Bukowski, Camus and Thor.
likes:
Baseball
Sneakers
Beard
Beef n' Carb diet
Rock
Roll
Sharks
hates:
Everything else
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