Is it Wednesday? Why is this week confusing me so much. I'll blame daylight savings.
I am getting wicked excited about the Christmas season. Christmas songs, Christmas commercials, Christmas candy. It's on. It's not even Thanksgiving yet, this is bad. I love the Christmas gift guides online. I don't know why. I get way too excited for those.
I should make up a Christmas wish list. I'll make a Dear Santa post soon. Word is bond.
I miss the Phillies. The Flyers are being pretty awesome though, I just wish they played more. Last night there were no sports on. None. What's up with that? Dumb.
I am officially looking to take my writing to the next level. The level that includes financial compensation. Tips? Advice?
Also I've been thinking about moving lately. Just for the excitement. Also for a parking spot.
The Phillies left first, and now they're back again, and I am super stoked. I love the Phillies more than 99% of things in this world.
Also, the Eagles had their first game. It was a dog fight (pun half intended) and everyone got hurt/brain exploded. There was something a little magical about seeing an Eagles quarterback scramble and improvise and MAKE SHIT HAPPEN that reminded me of a certain QB EAGLES
Unlike EVERYONE ELSE EVER, I will spare you the travails and triumphs of my fantasy teams because NO ONE CARES AT ALL.
This weather couldn't be more perfect. Fall is definitely my favorite time of year. I think it says a lot about people that they get so excited about the warmth in the spring, but don't appreciate the lingering warmth of fall. Fall is the best.
First, if you park your vanity-plated Smart car illegally in front of my apartment again, I'm going to throw it on the roof like a grumpy neighbor with a petulant child's frisbee. That won't be fun for you, now will it?
I'm pretty stoked I was able to cook up a way to put my playlists on here for you to listen to. I don't know if you can download them from here, but that's your job.
I'll work on getting the other playlists up here, and going forward.
Don't y'all forget about GAFABP now, ya hear? I haven't done one of those in a while.
Ummm, ok, in theory fangs sound cool and all, but this execution is terrible. He looks like the joker deer who puts chop sticks in his mouth at dinner to make his deer buddies laugh. Your skull is way more terrifying than you are.
In other news, I still need a job and have yet to become a millionaire writer. You guys probably thought one or both of those things was the reason I didn't post yesterday. You'd be wrong. I didn't post yesterday because I am lazy.
My actual recent playlist: Gaslight Anthem Cap'n Jazz Lucero Descendents UYD
In my days of looking at things on the internet, I've seen some crazy, horrible stuff. Then I came across this. That website is horrible. In all the terribleness that exists on the internet, that site might take the cake. And the cake is made of barf and shame. Seriously don't click that link. I don't even know why I posted it. If you can't figure out what bad-dragon.com/toys might be, then you probably aren't prepared for it, and if you are prepared for it, I probably don't want you anywhere near me.
Edit: after a few complaints - that link is Not Safe For Work. Obviously, since it's pretty much Not Safe for Life. Also feel free to play my game - which of your friends is most likely to own one of those?
Ahhh this playlist thing is workin'! I like it. Maybe it's just indulgent, but, this is a blog after all.
Today's playlist: Sad songs disguised as happy songs. This might be a challenge.
1. Tears of a Clown - The English Beat
2. Pints of Guinneess Make you Strong - Against Me!
3. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths
4. Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads
5. Last Caress - The Misfits
6. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
7. Whiskey in the Jar - Thin Lizzy
8. 16 Military Wives - The Decemberists
9. Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel
10. Feel the Pain - Dinosaur Jr.
11. Radio, Radio - Elvis Costello
12. Stuck Between Stations - The Holdsteady
13. Paper Thin - Hot Water Music
Whew, that was a tough one. I think it's an excellent list.
Any additions to this list? I love songs like this. Comment your favorite happy/sad songs, or suggestions for other playists.
Also today you should definitely check out Catalog Living, another funny caption site. They take pictures from catalogs (looks to be mostly fancy houseware places) and write funny captions. I enjoy it.
You know what I thought would be fun? Making playlists. I already love doing this and figured I could just make some funny photoshops, get some suggestions from you and then post it here! Content is important to me, order really isn't. I usually listen to them on shuffle. Since the songs have little to do with each other beyond the arbitrary theme I slapped on them, they don't need to be played in order.
Here's the first, one of my favorite types of playlists:
1. Mexico - Cake
2. Candy - Morphine
3. Innocent When You Dream - Tom Waits
4. Guitar and Video Games - Sunny Day Real Estate
5. Oh Messy Life - caP' n Jazz
6. Lost Cause - Beck
7. Untitled - Interpol
8. Skyway - The Replacements
9. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
10. First Breath after a Coma - Explosions in the Sky
11. Waiting on Wild Horses - The Good Life
12. Shinkansen - Daedalus
13. Oslo Skyline - Jaga Jazzist
Ok 13 is a good number. I realized this would also be a great playlist to kill yourself to. But don't do that. I need readers.
1. Get off of My Cloud - The Rolling Stones
2. Girls Like Status - The Hold Steady
3. Outta Harm's Way - King Khan and the Shrines
4. Wonderful People - Q and not U
5. Staring at the Sun - TV on the Radio
6. Roots Radical - Rancid
7. Someday I Suppose - The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones
8. Honey White - Morphine
9. Mirror in the Bathroom/Rotating Head Medley - The English Beat
10. Radio, Radio - Elvis Costello
11. Velocity - Face to Face
12. Santa Monica - Everclear
13. Kate is Great - The Bouncing Souls
WOW! That's an awesome summer party right there. Now, be advised, that is for summer fun hangout daytime party or driving around. Not to be used for road trips, breezy summer nights or summertime blues.
Making playlists is fun! Please feel free to suggest a playlist theme, or comment on mine, or make your own! This blog doesn't have enough interaction. Comment on my posts and I'll comment back! That would be really exciting for you, I bet.
Friday! Wooo! I love Friday, because it means Boy Meets World is on tonight.
I am so going to see this movie this weekend. It is going to be awesome.
It just sucks that my Alien/Predator/Alien vs. Predator box set is now incomplete.
Good Advice from a Bad Person has joined the Miami Heat. This week I bring you Delonte West.
Dearest Toney,
I have a problem that maybe you can be sarcastically helpful with. I am off one day during the week and I like to reserve that time for running errands and being with friends. The problem is that I hate going outside of my house when I'm off. I often have to go to Whole Foods, I'll stop at Starbucks also but it stresses me out. I don't like mingling with other people, especially the types that frequent Whole Foods and Starbucks. Also, the main issue is that if I go out I'll come home and some sort of time has passed - 2 hours, 3 hours. Whatever. I always feel like I'm wasting my time! So I sit in my house, watch the clock tick by, frantically worried that I'm running out of time. I wanted to be out of my house today at 8:30, but again, it's 9:30 and I don't want to go out and deal with the shits that are running amock in my area. Anything?
Signed, I've got a list of things to do today, but none of it will get finished
Dearlest IGALOTTDT,BNOIWGF,
That's a mouthful. First thing I am going to be "sarcastically helpful with" is telling you to not finish your sentences in prepositions. Wait, that wasn't sarcastic, just don't do that.
Second, sounds like you and I have a similar problem - hating people who shop at Whole Foods, but I've been over that. Avoid them. I have no advice on that. My advice is to Whole Foods: stay open 24 hours a day so I can go when these horrible people are asleep.
Build a couch fort tunnel! Build one out your front door to Starbucks. Take this tunnel next time you want your venti capamochalatte. This way, you don't have to see strangers, you get your stuff done (like building a fort!) and you're awesome. Also, this is probably the only way you could justify it taking you 2-3 hours to go to Starbucks.
Also, you have one weak ass catch-22. You feel like you are wasting your time, so you waste your time to avoid wasting your time. Smart! But here, you can feel better about this. Even if you don't make it out of your house by 9:30 (12:30, really) I'm still asleep! So you've got me beat. Way to go!
Also, you should probably stop drinking coffee.
Let me see your fort when you're done,
Tony
Hey! That was a good one. You're welcome everyone. Build forts, predate, shoot off the rest of your fireworks and listen to Faith No More.
I got to do something I never thought I'd get to do. I saw Faith No More. It was awesome. It was like 1995, except I was 12 then. So it was like 1995 but I am 27. And awesome. Also, I shot fireworks at my friends while they peed in the woods. They deserved it.
I didn't pay attention to any news this weekend because of USA USA USA and Faith No More. So I don't have any news links for you. You people probably don't even know how to read anyway. You're just here for the pictures.
Here's my impression of the news anyway: "Waaaaah! Waaah!" and "Oil! In the Ocean! BP sucks!" "Obama, Still President" "Sports!" "Fat Person is Fat" "Dead Person is Dead" and "Life, Future Suck"
Anyway, see you clowns tomorrow. Keep it real. GAFABP, dump em out.
Well, Flyers, it was a good run. At least now all these fair weather Flyers fans can go back to being fair weather Phillies fans. Whew, those hockey names are way harder to remember. Also Phillies shirts are waaaay cuter for the female fake fans and the bros can take their shirts off at Phillies games. See, not so bad.
I am recommending you get a camera and take pictures. Not a digital camera, not shots of you and your homegirls doing shots at the baaaar!! Not pictures of your baby who isn't as cute as you think he is. Pictures of everything else. Pictures of your life, taken on real film with cheap, plastic cameras. It is surprisingly fun and rewarding. A completely different experience than crowding around a little LCD screen on the back of your camera. Take pictures, fill up a roll and drop it off. The excitement of picking up your developed roll is something you haven't felt in a long time. I get my supplies from lomography.com. You can get standard 35 or 120 cameras, or one of the fun, gimicky cameras. Take 4 shots on a frame, take 8 shots on a frame, take landscapes, take pinholes, take long exposures - take what you want. The best part about the "art" that is photography is that anyone can do it and very few can do it well. What this means though, is that you can take pictures, you can have these little miniature works of art to hang around your apartment. They won't be great, but they'll be yours. Do it! You'll be glad you did.
I have decided to pursue higher education, mostly because I am too smart for just a Bachelor's degree. Don't really know what I'll be studying yet, but I am definitely going back, that's decided. Feel free to recommend something to me. Also give me some GAFABPs for tomorrow. Alright suckers, see you tomorrow.
Friday I worked. I'm always busy Fridays, trying to finish up as much of the accumulated work from the week as I can. After work I cleaned my apartment to prep for the arrival of some new tenants. My ex is traveling Europe. The two cats we got when we were together are coming to stay with me. Bonk and Skeletor Dirtbike. Much cleaning was accomplished. 5 bags of trash and some novelty vacuuming later, I called it. After that, went up to the bar to revel in the Flyers' miraculous victory.
Saturday
Went out for a typical egg heavy breakfast. Did some shopping and went to the park. The park was great, Phillies on the handheld radio, lemony booze drinks concocted in sippy cups, injury inducing cartwheels, photographs, Willow climbing, it was a good Saturday.
After that the cat delivery went down. My ex brought them by and they were unhappy about the change of scenery. Lots of angry mews and hiding.
Skeletor hid beside the sink, and meowed angrily if you found her. She doesn't like losing hide and seek.
Bonk hid above the washing machine, she likes being high up.
We let them settle in and went out for the most delicious Mexican food I ever had with our already drunk friend. Five dollars were added to the tip for his behavior.
Sunday
Went to lunch with a friend in a surprisingly trashy neighborhood.
Stumbled upon a massive flea market. They were mostly shutting down, but not before I could pull down a stupid haul of trivial crap. I scored some Alf, NKOTB, Street Sharks and Garbage Pail Kids trading cards. Also found some ridiculous baseball suction cup player head things and a comic book about Mike Tyson.
Then, we went to meet my sister's new stray cat kittens. They were kinda creepy and awesome. A little more hanging out, another Flyer's game, another trip to the bar and I was ready to call it a night. Bonk is the mischievous sort, and mostly nocturnal. It's tough to make it through the night without her getting into something. But, I'm a heavy sleeper and figure I should be able to ignore most of it. Early this morning, around 5:45 am, I heard a pretty significant commotion at the foot of the couch I was sleeping on. I thought someone was in my apartment. I wake up and turn just in time to see Bonk leaping and scrambling from atop my lamp. It's a paper square, I don't even know how she got that far.
This is the lamp she tried to stand on
Well in my sleepy haze I see this go down and reach out and try to catch her as her horrible footing gave way and she dove toward me. She scratched the hell out of me and the lamp went timber-ing into my bike. Thanks Bonk, good morning to you too.
Everything always looks so dark in nighttime fisheye pictures. Right over my shoulder is some gaping maw black abyss. How metaphorical!
I've been ramping up the reading lately. Getting me stoked to write something on my own. These somewhat poorly written faux memoirs are right up my alley. I can somewhat poorly write a faux memoir! Exclamation points abound. Only one was completely sarcastic.
I am officially looking for a job. I am doubtful I can find one that matches the freedom of my current job's pantslessness, hopeful that I can improve on the financial standing of a Chuck E. Cheese manager.
Time to put on my big boy pants and do this. I don't want to fall asleep watching DVD reruns of futurama and wake up 10 years in the future singing a Talking Heads song. I am still confident I can get a job that won't steal my soul. I'm not talking about some namby pamby touchy feely nonprofit job either, that's not my bag. I just want something that makes me feel productive and utilized. I am a man with skills! A skilled man! I don't want to be an account manager or alphabetizer. Also, rich would be nice.
Wow I really didn't intend that title to be a horrible pun. Deal with it. I started this intending to write. To become better at writing, to stay in practice. So I couldn't let a day pass without an entry this soon after I began. This is my favorite time of year - my birthday, baseball and the weather turning the corner. So far so good. Apparently this nice weather has inspired the people of my little hamlet to burn down their houses. I live 100 yards from a fire house and it has been jumpin' today. My window is the perfect height for their shrill sirens to blast into my living room and infuriate me at the poor sons of bitches who require their services. Also, since I am so close to the corner I get to listen to people's excellent choice in music as they are stopped at the red light. Wow, that's an excellent song you are playing at full volume in your mom's volvo. Is that some new pop tartlet? Wow, she's great, thanks for sharing that with me. I think I am going to throw water balloons at them from now on. Hey kids thanks for jumping on the metal basement door right below my window every day! I dedicate this headache to you. But hey, it's a pretty street
Also, since I am such a hipster, the Holga wasn't enough - here's a polaroid I took.
KO!
Can't Wait!
Bam!
Kill it with fire.
Pet it with fire.
Hey girl, hey
Splash!
Woof!
ssssssssizzle
Awww USA USA!
Eat me.
Read me.
Shoot me.
