First up, everyone should go to this awesome shit tomorrow. It's Phillyist's relaunch party, and it has a great theme and really, really good prizes. Plus it is at a really good bar. WHAT COULD BE BETTER. No question mark needed. Because it was rhetorical. And the answer is nothing.
I've been watching the second season of Fringe. It came out on DVD recently, and I kinda love it. Sure, it's baby X-Files, but hey, X-Files! PS X-Files is my favorite TV show of all time, not counting my other favorite TV shows of all time (Futurama, Friday Night Lights, Venture Brothers).
By that I mean I worked all weekend and used the holiday as an excuse to neglect you, my little babies.
Dear Tony,
I have been taking Colloidal Silver for years now. It helps my body battle various one-celled bacteria fungi and other microorganisms. The occasional use has now developed into a full blown obsession. I mean I can't get enough of this stuff. The problem is, there is an odd side effect that I've noticed. My skin now has a bluish tint to it. I've looked into this and found out that I have Argyria, which is the grayish-bluish pigmentation of the whole body. So now I walk around with my Smurf-like skin with no help in site. Help me Tony...you're my only hope.
-Browne
Bam! A GAFABP out of no where, I keep you on your toes readers.
Well Browne (more like Bluee, amirite?!),
You sure are a crazy old man. I know that homespun health treatments based on conspiracy theories are always a good idea, and putting strange chemicals into your body seems flawless, but you've been burned.
Going back to taking a wacky cure-all tonic, snake-oil elixir from the early 20th century might seem like a great idea, but this one might not be your best bet. I haven't done any research on this, beyond thinking "Is it a good idea to put a solution of metal in my body that has been proven over and over to provide no benefit? No." But I do know that silver used to be used in photography. This is why you turned blue! You're like a giant underdeveloped picture! That's really funny to me. You turned blue! I love that. I think it is an appropriate punishment for stupidity to have your skin change colors.
Ahhh this playlist thing is workin'! I like it. Maybe it's just indulgent, but, this is a blog after all.
Today's playlist: Sad songs disguised as happy songs. This might be a challenge.
1. Tears of a Clown - The English Beat
2. Pints of Guinneess Make you Strong - Against Me!
3. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths
4. Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads
5. Last Caress - The Misfits
6. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
7. Whiskey in the Jar - Thin Lizzy
8. 16 Military Wives - The Decemberists
9. Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel
10. Feel the Pain - Dinosaur Jr.
11. Radio, Radio - Elvis Costello
12. Stuck Between Stations - The Holdsteady
13. Paper Thin - Hot Water Music
Whew, that was a tough one. I think it's an excellent list.
Any additions to this list? I love songs like this. Comment your favorite happy/sad songs, or suggestions for other playists.
Also today you should definitely check out Catalog Living, another funny caption site. They take pictures from catalogs (looks to be mostly fancy houseware places) and write funny captions. I enjoy it.
Hey Google image search, I don't like your new style. Go back to the old way. Thanks. Despite that, I found a gem to write some words on top of for today's playlist album cover.
We're going with a reader submitted theme today, thanks reader! I'm going to try not to be too literal and corny with this one. Maybe. I am going to try to make a playlist I'd actually want to listen to.
1. Not for Sale - Electric Frankenstein
2. Wolf Like Me - TV on the Radio
3. Gigantic - Pixies
4. The Call of Ktulu - Metallica
5. Brimstone Rock - 16 Horsepower
6. Am I Demon - Danzig
7. Earth People - Dr. Octagon
8. Tarantulas Attack - The Explosion
9. Surprise! You're Dead! - Faith No More
10. The Trooper - Iron Maiden
11. Holy Diver - Killswitch Engage
12. Zombies - King Khan and the BBQ Show
13. Through the Fire and the Flames - Dragonforce
Whew, that was harder than I thought it'd be. I could have just thrown up an entire Iced Earth album and called it a day, but no! I brought the realness. You're welcome. Any ideas for more playlists? Send em to me!
I'll take this time to point out a couple artists from the list you might not know.
16 Horsepower - alt-country from Denver. These guys are dark, vaudevillian, American and awesome. Really an interesting take on instrumentation and composition. Through all their weirdness they still manage to make great songs, helping them escape what could feel very gimicky. The singer's father was an apocalyptic, fire and brimstone preacher - a voice and lyrical source that are definitely recognizable.
King Khan - in any of is iterations, with the BBQ Show or with the Shrines, this dude brings it. Over the top showmanship combined with a surprisingly competent and nuanced band make them very successful and fun. Get into it. 70s funk/soul/pop/rock/garage/psych.
I also suggest tacos. Get some tacos.
ADDENDUM: I came across this site and I was like "oh man who should I send this to?" and then I decided: everyone.
You know what I thought would be fun? Making playlists. I already love doing this and figured I could just make some funny photoshops, get some suggestions from you and then post it here! Content is important to me, order really isn't. I usually listen to them on shuffle. Since the songs have little to do with each other beyond the arbitrary theme I slapped on them, they don't need to be played in order.
Here's the first, one of my favorite types of playlists:
1. Mexico - Cake
2. Candy - Morphine
3. Innocent When You Dream - Tom Waits
4. Guitar and Video Games - Sunny Day Real Estate
5. Oh Messy Life - caP' n Jazz
6. Lost Cause - Beck
7. Untitled - Interpol
8. Skyway - The Replacements
9. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
10. First Breath after a Coma - Explosions in the Sky
11. Waiting on Wild Horses - The Good Life
12. Shinkansen - Daedalus
13. Oslo Skyline - Jaga Jazzist
Ok 13 is a good number. I realized this would also be a great playlist to kill yourself to. But don't do that. I need readers.
1. Get off of My Cloud - The Rolling Stones
2. Girls Like Status - The Hold Steady
3. Outta Harm's Way - King Khan and the Shrines
4. Wonderful People - Q and not U
5. Staring at the Sun - TV on the Radio
6. Roots Radical - Rancid
7. Someday I Suppose - The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones
8. Honey White - Morphine
9. Mirror in the Bathroom/Rotating Head Medley - The English Beat
10. Radio, Radio - Elvis Costello
11. Velocity - Face to Face
12. Santa Monica - Everclear
13. Kate is Great - The Bouncing Souls
WOW! That's an awesome summer party right there. Now, be advised, that is for summer fun hangout daytime party or driving around. Not to be used for road trips, breezy summer nights or summertime blues.
Making playlists is fun! Please feel free to suggest a playlist theme, or comment on mine, or make your own! This blog doesn't have enough interaction. Comment on my posts and I'll comment back! That would be really exciting for you, I bet.
I have been obsessed with root beer lately. I am on a vision quest to find my favorite. I've tried many kinds. I have even tried sparkling green tea root beer. Which was, surprisingly, pretty tasty. Also got root beer popsicles and I am currently trying to make root beer ice cream. I am obsessed. To this point, my personal favorite and first recommendation to you today is Virgil's.
Delicious! Spicy and creamy, just how I like it. Plus look at that bottle! Pop top! That picture on there didn't hurt Virgil's appeal to me either.
I'm always on the lookout for a better root beer, so feel free to suggest.
Kittens! Hooray! Especially Fremen kittens. Fear is the mind killer.
Oh that reminds me. Read Dune. Seriously. One of my favorite books ever, transcends its nerdy sci-fi ness by being supremely well written and compelling. Or maybe I'm just a nerd, but it is truly excellent. Don't watch the movie, it is terrible. Awesomely terrible.
I also suggest you guys give me a new job. I could use one. Thanks.
Any of you like Kid Dynamite? I am suggesting a band called the Shook Ones. They sound so much like Kid Dynamite it is almost embarrassing, but still, hey! new Kid Dynamite. Rock!
Their later stuff is a little more Lifetime / Saves the Day, but still awesome. Highly recommend.
That'll do it for today. I hope these things make you a better person.
I like to think that it shows character growth and a healthier personality that I've had a much easier time with my suggestions than my Diary of a Hater columns. Feels good. Either way, Shakespeare's got to get paid, son - on to the blog.
No nerd theme today. Sorry nerds, you can't really expect more than one day. You are nerds after all. Now I have to get back some cred I lost last week. Hey ladies who want to make out with me and dudes who want to high five me, this one is for you.
Some bad ass rock and roll, because I'm a badassed rock and roller.
I know, Greg Dulli is an ass clown blah blah. I don't care. Most talented people are ass clowns. I have been listening to them way too much lately. They have their roots in the whole not-totally-garage-or-punk-but-somewhat-inappropriately-angry-for-white-suburban-kids scene like Dinosaur Jr. and the Replacements. Unlike those two bands, they didn't collapse under their own weight and spin-off self indulgent and crappy singer-based solo projects. Maybe Greg Dulli ain't so bad, eh? They stayed together, matured and came to be one of those underrated critical darlings - which usually means band that should be good but just sucks and critics like them anyway. But! not the case. Great songwriting, some truly, sociopathically dark lyrics and a just-low-fi enough sound come together really well for them. Listen to them!
I don't know if y'all twitter or what, but here's some folks you should follow:
@mental_floss - awesome magazine @charliemcdowell - funny! girls are the worst! (not really Charlie McDowell) @zoowithroy - best Phillies blog @pattonoswalt - the funniest twitter I follow @LitCritHulk - exactly what it sounds like
Heyyyy the Indians, stop running into walls, dummies.
Holy crap it is hot today. First day I am running the A/C in my living room. My job shouldn't be sweat inducing.
I wish Whole Foods was open 24 hours, so I could go in there late at night to avoid the murderous desires that place's customers inspire in me. Get out of the way. Seriously. Don't chat in the foyer. If you're talking to your five year old's tennis coach in an aisle, don't stand abreast of your cart full of free-range bee honey and 80$ dog food so I can't get to my delicious hummus. I hope you choke on your vegan free trade naan and clif bars.
On to the suggestions!
First up - the new iPhone.
Just kidding. Enjoy your line, suckers.
I'm gonna keep it real today. Nerds, get stoked - today's suggestions are for you.
Comic books!
Everyone is getting all excited for the Michael Cera acted, Edgar Wright directed movie due this summer. Which does look awesome, but if you are planning on seeing the movie I highly recommend reading the books too. They are awesome and unique. They are the funniest comics I've ever read and really appeal to nerds like me. They are cheap and short and fun to read. Do it!
This is Garth Ennis' current project. Everything he writes is brilliant. Preacher might be the greatest self-contained comic ever and his Punisher stories are the peak of that run. "The Boys" is basically a satire, a scathing one at that, of super heroes. It's gory and dramatic and funny and refreshing. It's also where I got the name of this blog.
I am currently re-reading this. Which is almost necessary with this book. Calvino's challenging the novel structure again with this one with really charming results. It's a somewhat tricky read, considering every other chapter is basically from a different book, but worth it. He writes very well, it's a light read with an excellent rhythm. The book feels complete and connected - it flows - which is a testament to his skill as a writer of a book which should come off as a disjointed mess. What Calvino shows here is that there is a lot more to connecting with a reader and story telling than just story telling.
All of these games are way too much fun. I play them more than any of my other video games. Immensely replayable and curiously addictive, everyone loves Katamari. Plus it has the best soundtrack of any video game ever.
So I've done my beefing with the green movement recently, so I wanted to give you some of my favorite green characters. First up, the forgotten benefactor of humanity, Norman Borlaug.
That there's a link to his Wiki page. This fella here used his Ph.D. in plant pathology and genetics to develop disease resistant strains of high yield crops in third world countries. People have said that his work has saved ONE BILLION lives. One billion. How many you got, Al Gore
Another favorite of mine, Julian Simon, the Doom Slayer
Ok enough green. Here's some other awesome stuff.
An awesome magazine. One of three I subscribe to along with Wired and Dwell. I recommend all three!
Another George Saunders collection I enjoyed. Just finished it last night. Not quite as good as Civilwarland in bad Decline, but a quick, enjoyable read none the less.
Well, Flyers, it was a good run. At least now all these fair weather Flyers fans can go back to being fair weather Phillies fans. Whew, those hockey names are way harder to remember. Also Phillies shirts are waaaay cuter for the female fake fans and the bros can take their shirts off at Phillies games. See, not so bad.
I am recommending you get a camera and take pictures. Not a digital camera, not shots of you and your homegirls doing shots at the baaaar!! Not pictures of your baby who isn't as cute as you think he is. Pictures of everything else. Pictures of your life, taken on real film with cheap, plastic cameras. It is surprisingly fun and rewarding. A completely different experience than crowding around a little LCD screen on the back of your camera. Take pictures, fill up a roll and drop it off. The excitement of picking up your developed roll is something you haven't felt in a long time. I get my supplies from lomography.com. You can get standard 35 or 120 cameras, or one of the fun, gimicky cameras. Take 4 shots on a frame, take 8 shots on a frame, take landscapes, take pinholes, take long exposures - take what you want. The best part about the "art" that is photography is that anyone can do it and very few can do it well. What this means though, is that you can take pictures, you can have these little miniature works of art to hang around your apartment. They won't be great, but they'll be yours. Do it! You'll be glad you did.
I have decided to pursue higher education, mostly because I am too smart for just a Bachelor's degree. Don't really know what I'll be studying yet, but I am definitely going back, that's decided. Feel free to recommend something to me. Also give me some GAFABPs for tomorrow. Alright suckers, see you tomorrow.
I'll say a word about this last one. A few Christmases ago this book was given to me as a gift. I never read it - sorry gift giver! - until recently. I was missing out. I was really impressed by this book. It really stands out amongst the spate of the cynical, pandering modern fiction wunderkind. This book is terrifying. Not scary in the boo! or serial killer kind of way, but in the heartbreaking "wow life really ruins people" kind of way. It is a collection of short stories and the titular novella. All of the stories are about a character in some Americana tragedy. Very quick read, very effecting read. Read it! and this, read this blog a lot. Hopefully back later with some GAFABP.
Also I think someone is playing Marco Polo outside my apartment.
It is tough for me to come up with a recommendation today - with me HATING EVERYTHING and all. Sorry, got up on the wrong side of the couch this morning.
The good thing is, in real life, the angrier I get, the funnier I become. Like Bobcat Hulkthwait or something. Except funny. Like Bobcat Hulkthwait the words, not like Bobcat Goldthwait the person.
Please send me GAFABP, I know people are reading this, and you probably need some advice if you are spending your free time reading my blog. GET A LIFE. But don't.
Ok for a recommendation - Frankenstein. And that's mostly because Frankenstein is something I say when I can't think of anything else to say. That and broccoli. Really though, I want to recommend the shit out of this book, because it is wildly misunderstood.
Lookin good, Frank.
I know, he's not really named Frankenstein. Whatever.
So here's my case for the book. It's an excellent book - there's a reason high school English classes grudgingly still read it. It isn't the bumbling monster tale popularized in movies. The monster isn't a clumsy manchild. He is an intelligent, thinking, sympathetic villain. He seeks revenge and busts out horrifying lines like "...I will glut the maw of death, until it be satiated with the blood of your remaining friends" BOO YA. How's that for badassed. That line is so great it stuck with me all this time, I didn't even google it.
The book is a condensed Paradise Lost - with a monster! It's about the relationship of God and man. It's about revenge, it's about love, it's about science, it's about violence - it's awesome. Read it again, for the first time! Does that cliche make sense to anyone?
I love Frankenstein so much I am seriously considering a Frankenstein tattoo. READ IT.
So I guess Wednesdays are Tony has nothing to post Wednesdays, works for me. Tough run lately. AT&T is boning me royally, my phone is completely broken and worthless and they won't replace it. AND if I want a new one I have to pay full price PLUS some dumb 75 dollar fee. Sweet. Car's been in the shop all week, I've been driving a Forester loaner. Work was canceled last night, my internet was out almost all of today, backing me up with about 20 hours of work. So here I am blogging! Hooray! The highlight of my week so far has been a giant turtle I saw crossing the street.
So on to your first taste lesson. First up - television. I am going to recommend a show which just started it's fourth season. Friday Night Lights. I know, it looks like a dumb high school drama football show - and it is. Beyond that, this show is excellent. If you've never seen it you wouldn't know that they don't take the typical approach to making television. Tons of hand-held shots, long takes and ad-libbing. Almost every shot was the first take and there is no blocking. The (surprisingly talented) actors are allowed to move around and inflect as they see fit. This bold move gives the show a different, more realistic feel. The writing that is there is excellent, the characters are more nuanced than you'd expect from a show like this and the story lines are Americana melodrama. I can't recommend this show highly enough. I have been waiting way too long for the fourth season due to some programming hell the show went through and I couldn't be more excited. I am watching The Wire on DVD right now, and to be honest, I like FNL better. The Wire feels a little emporer's-new-clothes to me. Maybe I'll sing a different tune once I've finished it. Anyway, watch FNL - thank me later.
Second up today - music.
I might have mentioned this band before. Red Clay River. I caught them opening for Tim Barry and have been listening to them way too much since. They are from West Virginia, I don't just say that for trivial background. They wear it proudly. They are a smoky mix of Tom Waits and Modest Mouse and hillbilly country. They make funky, rollicking music for the holler and show an impressive ability to craft pretty, wistful big-sky-and-open-car-window tunes. I enjoy them thoroughly, you should too.
So, I decided, in an effort to give this little blog o' mine more structure, we are going to have a schedule. HOUSE MEETING. Here's the schedule I came up with so far:
Monday: Weekend Rodeo Roundup - I will write about my weekend! You can have a peek into the exciting and robust life I live. Feel free to emulate.
Tuesday: Tony's Always Right Tuesday - I will probably criticize something most people like. Because I am way cooler and have way better taste than you.
Wednesday: Yeah I didn't come up with one for Wednesday yet. Wild Card Wednesday was tempting. Also Wacky Wednesday.
Thursday: On Thursdays, as a foil to Tuesday, I'll suggest something with this excellent taste of mine.
Friday: Good advice from a bad person - I really want to do this. Send me your questions, jerks. They don't have to be real! But if they are they will drip with the pangs of real life drama!
So there you have it, my schedule. Let's see how long this lasts. Don't worry, I'll still write the regular wah wah wah I want a new job I'm too good for this world my life is hard posts.
Science!
You deserved it.
Buy me all three!
See what I did there?
Hey girl, hey
Splash!
Muad'Dib!
Shai Hulud!
Bea Arthur headlockin' a raptor
Eat me.
Read me.
Shoot me.
