BOOM!

I'm back from my sabbatical. It was radical.

Since I've been gone, I've been 28, hungry, funny and Philliesed.

But, hey, what's up?

I got my groove back. And through careful introspection, deductive reasoning and a 3 AM watching of the terrible movie, Legion, I now know the difference between Tyrese and Tyson Beckford. Just don't ask me to tell you, because a) that's impossible and b) you must come upon this knowledge yourself. Tabula Rasa or some shit.

Also I saw Thor. It was cool until he turned into a total pussy at the end and was smooching up on Natalie Portman. Like the Thunder God has time for that bullshit. AS IF.

So, since I'm back, feel free to write to me for (good) advice (from a bad person), suggest playlists, purple stuff, or whatever.

In other news:
-My cat just walked into the room, saw the dream catcher (sometimes my dreams need to be caught), which has been there for four months and made a noise I never heard her make before. Like a mix of a growl, a purr, and some dumb bird noise. Cats are weird, but maybe she saw a ghost because I heard cats can do that. Probably not mine though, she gets her head stuck in bags ALL THE TIME. /endcatnews
-I didn't get raptured
-Someone just drove by the HQ blasting a Crystal Waters-esque 90s techno lite dance club hit jam. BLASTING. At 9:15 AM. I almost ran downstairs just to see what kind of human would be into that sort of thing. Guesses?

Check me out here, where I bring the hot fire on a sometimes-more-than-once-a-day basis. Really worth it. It's a twitter link. To my twitter.

Get some.

QB Eagles

Lolredskins. Haha. That was a good game.

THIS. x6

She likes primary colors.

This is my cat. I told her to do her impression of a creepy worm for that picture. She obliged.

She and I had a meeting.

My agenda: No more toe biting at 7 A.M.

Her agenda: double lunch

We are at an impasse.



Ha take that docile cat! Merry Christmas docile cat! (not my cat)


In case you forgot, I am still looking to GET PAID. So if you want to PAY ME, do it already. Boo ya.

I have a bachelor party to go to this weekend. It's going to be one of those pizza bachelor parties, not one of those stripper ones. But I'm ok with that, because pizza>strippers.

Holy crap 50$ does not get you much at Whole Foods, except murderlust. I always forget just how bad it is in there. I know you people have been to other grocery stores, why do you forget how to function as a human when you are around muesli?

Rodeo

Another weekend in the books.

Holy crap, it's November?

File under: Bad stuff my cat does (Oh yeah, I have a cat now)

My five pound cat somehow managed to pull down my trash can and toss the contents. I am not quite sure how. I am impressed. She continually does things that boggle my mind when I am not looking. Hey tiny cat, how did you carry an entire bag of candy corn clear across the apartment and into your nest of dirty clothes and trash you have made in my bedroom? Hey tiny cat, what the hell was that super loud noise?

In an exciting turn of events, my cat looks exactly like this cat:



Which is pretty exciting. That's obviously a good cat to look like.

Apples to Apples always makes me laugh, sometimes by myself. I somehow managed to not win on Anne Frank OR Rosie O'Donnell though, tough crowd.

I got lectured on not recycling. I want to move. I need someone to pay me for writing. Maybe I'll find a rich guy and write funny messages for him. That sounds too romantic.

Weekend Rodeo Roundup

So, let's see how this goes.

Friday

Friday I worked. I'm always busy Fridays, trying to finish up as much of the accumulated work from the week as I can. After work I cleaned my apartment to prep for the arrival of some new tenants. My ex is traveling Europe. The two cats we got when we were together are coming to stay with me. Bonk and Skeletor Dirtbike.
Much cleaning was accomplished. 5 bags of trash and some novelty vacuuming later, I called it.
After that, went up to the bar to revel in the Flyers' miraculous victory.

Saturday

Went out for a typical egg heavy breakfast. Did some shopping and went to the park. The park was great, Phillies on the handheld radio, lemony booze drinks concocted in sippy cups, injury inducing cartwheels, photographs, Willow climbing, it was a good Saturday.

After that the cat delivery went down. My ex brought them by and they were unhappy about the change of scenery. Lots of angry mews and hiding.



Skeletor hid beside the sink, and meowed angrily if you found her. She doesn't like losing hide and seek.



Bonk hid above the washing machine, she likes being high up.

We let them settle in and went out for the most delicious Mexican food I ever had with our already drunk friend. Five dollars were added to the tip for his behavior.

Sunday

Went to lunch with a friend in a surprisingly trashy neighborhood.

Stumbled upon a massive flea market. They were mostly shutting down, but not before I could pull down a stupid haul of trivial crap. I scored some Alf, NKOTB, Street Sharks and Garbage Pail Kids trading cards. Also found some ridiculous baseball suction cup player head things and a comic book about Mike Tyson.

Then, we went to meet my sister's new stray cat kittens. They were kinda creepy and awesome.
A little more hanging out, another Flyer's game, another trip to the bar and I was ready to call it a night.
Bonk is the mischievous sort, and mostly nocturnal. It's tough to make it through the night without her getting into something. But, I'm a heavy sleeper and figure I should be able to ignore most of it. Early this morning, around 5:45 am, I heard a pretty significant commotion at the foot of the couch I was sleeping on. I thought someone was in my apartment. I wake up and turn just in time to see Bonk leaping and scrambling from atop my lamp. It's a paper square, I don't even know how she got that far.


This is the lamp she tried to stand on

Well in my sleepy haze I see this go down and reach out and try to catch her as her horrible footing gave way and she dove toward me. She scratched the hell out of me and the lamp went timber-ing into my bike. Thanks Bonk, good morning to you too.