Good Advice from a Bad Person

Dear Tony,

Lately, I've been feeling down. I feel that my creative soul, my driving, passionate mind, are squelched. I have a need to be heard. I have a need to produce, create and relate. I have a need to reach out and touch people. And by all this, I mean I am an attention starved baby with a massive ego and a paradoxically low self esteem. Please advise.
Signed,
A dude offered no instructional service

Well ADONIS,

Start a blog.

Yours,
Tony


Ok you get the point - now bring it, you jerks.

Master Plan

Here's the plan:
Start blog.
Be charming and prolific.
Write short story/novel.
Be published.
Profit.

Not seen: Work jobs, develop soul crushing ennui

I hope that my current job editing/proofing articles with the absolute worst, mind boggling grammar has yet to affect my personal style. I mean, a book written by someone who seems like they don't speak English and runs everything through a thesaurus with no understanding of what they are trying to say might be entertaining, but I don't think I have the stomach for that.

I've written things in the past. I've written good things in the past. I've written things that were performed, published, praised and enjoyed in the past. I am older, wiser and have way more funny stories now. I've shrugged of my teenage angst which stretch inappropriately into my early twenties. I still think too much and read less than I'd like and you'd suspect. I have had suspicions that my self-important assholery could find a perfect outlet in blog form.

I saw a woman wearing her shoes on the wrong feet today, it reminded me of you.

I suspect I'll write a little about the things I enjoy, and a lot about the things I hate. I mean, hey you can like all the same crap I do, but I'll really be impressed if our hate venn-diagrams overlap. I'm channeling Bukowski, Camus and Thor.

likes:
Baseball
Sneakers
Beard
Beef n' Carb diet
Rock
Roll
Sharks

hates:
Everything else

First

So, this is it.

I am starting a blog, a blog to hone my skills and stretch my atrophied writing muscles. Return them to their once-Herculean stature.
Good to see my penchant for self aggrandizing rhetorical devices still exists.
Join me, won't you?
I plan to violate every rule of good writing I have read and I preach to people I advise. Because I can. Don't be hectoring? Broken. Don't be too conversational? Would I be using rhetorical questions if I weren't? Have fun with that syntax. Yes, that's a direct order.