Reunited and it feels so good

Hey, sorry about that.

Hope you enjoyed your Christmas vacation from my blog.

Today I bring you two links from my time away.

First up, my GAFABP from last week.

Second up, I did a year end countdown at my editor's request. Check it out.

That second one will make you mad.

Hope y'all had an awesome holiday, and feel free to tell me what you got for Christmas. I have some very funny Christmas stories to tell, but I have to get the ok from the people involved, or just tell them anyway.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

Here is today's Good Advice From a Bad Person up over at Phillyist.

It's about nightmares. It's pretty boring.

Sorry.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

As usual, here's my Good Advice From a Bad Person over at Phillyist.

This one is about ear germs, talking on the phone and being a bitter old man. Enjoy!

Hollywood Babylon

So when I went to save this picture off the internet, I found out it was called "Trystan-mourning." Wow that's the worst name ever, Trystan, and it's probably not even real. Way to go.

So that's been me for the past week, except real and not just some goth douchebag girl(?) in a photoshoot. But I am wearing my black veil.

This Tuesday was a big (expensive) nerd day for me. Best Buy owned me.

First up, Venture Brothers Season Four (part 1) came out. C'mon VB, part one? WTcrap.



At least Dean Venture can help soothe my Cole Hamels addiction.

Dean Venture or drawing of Cole Hamels. YOU DECIDE

Also, Star Wars the Force Unleashed II came out. AKA finally a Star Wars game where you can be an awesome Jedi and choke, throw, lightning, decapitate everyone and everything II. I bought this game about six o'clock Tuesday, I beat this game about one AM last night, TOO SHORT. I want more people to decapitate! I want to lightsaber more Rancors! Ugh you're too short, but oh so awesome.

Finally, Rock Band 3 came out. Typically, I am a Guitar Hero kind of guy, as Rock Band seems like it is for douchebags (see Rock Band: Beatles & Rock Band: Green Day). BUT HOLY CRAP REAL GUITAR. I didn't get the guitar, just the keyboard. Shhhh, I know.

Also, tonight. TV Casualty (Ted Leo, Atom, others) cover Misfits songs all night. HOORAY. That is going to be awesome.

GAFABP later.

If you're gonna scream, scream with me.

Halloween is coming up, maybe I'll actually wear a costume this year instead of just wearing my sweater that vaguely resembles Freddy Krueger's. I was going to be a Chilean Miner, so I wouldn't have to shave my beard, but I bet that is going to be super played by then.

Chomp chomp chomp chomp. That's what the pipe noise always sounded like to me.

Public Advisory: NO ONE BE ANYONE FROM JERSEY SHORE (Macaroni Rascals) FOR HALLOWEEN. Thank you.

Here is an article Gavin McInnes surely volunteered. I think it's crap. For one, who is his audience? No one calls themselves a hipster. Me-someone who makes fun of hipsters? Um, You Chose...Poorly! Also, bonus me-giving-him-shit in the comments on the article. But hey, maybe you'll like it.

This continues to make me laugh. I have no idea why. I am truley sorry for your lots.

My friend keeps me updated on the internet.

The Phillies. ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Carlos Ruiz: My nickname is Chooch.

Ok homework:

Halloween costume ideas, GAFABPs (really, do this. It will be on like a super popular website, and then maybe I'll be famous and you can have that feather for your cap), playlist requests

Also this:

Phillyist

Well, this is my 100th post. I was going to write a bunch of crap to celebrate the occasion, but my blog-neglect continues. Instead this is merely a link to my latest Phillyist article.

I got some things in the pipeline, including some awesome playlists.

Please, gimme some more GAFABPs, I need em.

Also, if you see one of the GAFABPs I've already run on here up over there, don't blow up my spot. Shhhhh.

We'll have a 101st post extravaganza.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

It's Thursday at four, that means Good Advice from a Bad Person over at Phillyist.

Check it before you wreck it.

Maybe I'll see you jerks at the party tonight, I'll be the handsome one.

Alchemy

First up, everyone should go to this awesome shit tomorrow.
It's Phillyist's relaunch party, and it has a great theme and really, really good prizes. Plus it is at a really good bar. WHAT COULD BE BETTER. No question mark needed. Because it was rhetorical. And the answer is nothing.

I've been watching the second season of Fringe. It came out on DVD recently, and I kinda love it. Sure, it's baby X-Files, but hey, X-Files! PS X-Files is my favorite TV show of all time, not counting my other favorite TV shows of all time (Futurama, Friday Night Lights, Venture Brothers).

Science!

The Jersey Shore is known as "Macaroni Rascals" in Japan. Thank you Japan.

I really wish I hated Loveless by My Bloody Valentine, but I can't, because it's near perfect.

New tattoo imminent.

I want to go home.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

It's Thursday and that means Phillyist ran another Good Advice From a Bad Person.

This one gets a little weird.

Sorry about that, cough medicine is a hell of a drug.

I know I've been neglecting you, but soon I'll regale you with tales of triumph and tragedy, peeing in bushes, playlists and lessons and life. Or something else.

Another Phillyist Sports Post

Another post of mine just went up over at Phillyist. It's a debate on Michael Vick v. Kevin "poop my pants" Kolb.

If you're into that sort of thing you might want to mosey on over there and check it out.

Also, gimme some GAFABPs for Phillyist this week!

Also, I hope you're enjoying this weather, I sure am (not, because I'm indoors way too much).

Xpost

It's Thursday, that means Phillyist is running another one of my Good Advice From a Bad Person columns.

Go there to check it out!

Phillyist!

The day is here my pretties.

My first Good Advice from a Bad Person is up over at Phillyist.

It's good to be me. The Phillies are in first place, I met Raul Ibanez last night and I count this as syndication.

Keep writing me awesome GAFABPs, and we can get them up over there where way more people will see the problems plaguing your lives!

Taste Lesson

Woah, long weekend. Sorry chumps.

By that I mean I worked all weekend and used the holiday as an excuse to neglect you, my little babies.

Dear Tony,

I have been taking Colloidal Silver for years now. It helps my body battle various one-celled bacteria fungi and other microorganisms. The occasional use has now developed into a full blown obsession. I mean I can't get enough of this stuff. The problem is, there is an odd side effect that I've noticed. My skin now has a bluish tint to it. I've looked into this and found out that I have Argyria, which is the grayish-bluish pigmentation of the whole body. So now I walk around with my Smurf-like skin with no help in site. Help me Tony...you're my only hope.

-Browne


Bam! A GAFABP out of no where, I keep you on your toes readers.

Well Browne (more like Bluee, amirite?!),

You sure are a crazy old man. I know that homespun health treatments based on conspiracy theories are always a good idea, and putting strange chemicals into your body seems flawless, but you've been burned.

Going back to taking a wacky cure-all tonic, snake-oil elixir from the early 20th century might seem like a great idea, but this one might not be your best bet. I haven't done any research on this, beyond thinking "Is it a good idea to put a solution of metal in my body that has been proven over and over to provide no benefit? No." But I do know that silver used to be used in photography. This is why you turned blue! You're like a giant underdeveloped picture! That's really funny to me. You turned blue! I love that. I think it is an appropriate punishment for stupidity to have your skin change colors.

You deserved it.

I guess I don't really have any advice here, beyond STOP BEING A CRAZY OLD MAN.

Thanks for writing!

Tony

Bam. Thanks for writing old man, hope you suckers enjoyed that GAFABP. Exciting news: you'll be getting another tomorrow, but not here!

Also these are awesome, feel free to buy them for me:


Buy me all three!

Read about them here.

Also if these taste half as good as they look, I want to eat 1,000 of them.

X-post

New sports (but this time more awesome) post by me up at Phillyist right now.

Get some!

Big Time.

My first post just went live over at Phillyist.

Check it out!

I know it's a boring sports piece, but hey, Shakespeare's got to get paid.

I've been sitting on a few GAFABPs, so expect those in your near future. I'm also planning a life and times of Nyjer Morgan opus.

News.

Phillyist returns today. Now with more ME!

The ALOUTRANCE HQ.

Busy Busy.

So write me GAFABPs ASAP and you might see your letter on Phillyist! How cool would that be?

In other news, I just puked.

Thursday Taste Lesson

Ahhh this playlist thing is workin'! I like it. Maybe it's just indulgent, but, this is a blog after all.

Today's playlist: Sad songs disguised as happy songs. This might be a challenge.



1. Tears of a Clown - The English Beat
2. Pints of Guinneess Make you Strong - Against Me!
3. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths
4. Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads
5. Last Caress - The Misfits
6. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
7. Whiskey in the Jar - Thin Lizzy
8. 16 Military Wives - The Decemberists
9. Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel
10. Feel the Pain - Dinosaur Jr.
11. Radio, Radio - Elvis Costello
12. Stuck Between Stations - The Holdsteady
13. Paper Thin - Hot Water Music

Whew, that was a tough one. I think it's an excellent list.

Any additions to this list? I love songs like this. Comment your favorite happy/sad songs, or suggestions for other playists.

Also today you should definitely check out Catalog Living, another funny caption site. They take pictures from catalogs (looks to be mostly fancy houseware places) and write funny captions. I enjoy it.

Keep it real.

Weekend Rodeo Roundup

It was a bad weekend for nerds' eyeballs, but a good weekend for me.

Best part of the weekend was definitely seeing Cap'n Jazz - another band I have loved for a long time and never thought I would get to see live. It was 100 degrees outside and, with the throng of aging hipsters who obviously eat a ton of vegan cupcakes, it was oppressive inside. It was the sweatiest I've been in a long time, but I was far from the sweatiest of the day. That title probably goes to the shirtless dude who kept squeezing between my friend and I like we were those big rollers at a car wash. Yuck.

The show itself was incredible, they sounded great. Their recorded work has a certain low fi, frenetic, verging-on-sloppy feel to it. The live show made me realize that they are talented musicians whose chaotic sound is carefully cultivated and intentional. They recreated their songs loyally and impressively. I guess if you have jazz in your name, you better bring it. I have never seen them before, so realizing the singer is a cross between Mitch Hedberg and Peter Sarsgaard was a bit of a surprise.



That's a video from the show - which was less than 48 hours ago. I love the internet!

Here's a quick list of bands I can think of off the top of my head that take their name from a Cap'n Jazz song:

We are Scientists!
Soria
Scary Kids Scaring Kids
Rocky Rococo
Troubled by Insects

Other than that, this weekend had some awesome Phillies games, a crazy thunder storm and a hectic Sunday. I'm so glad my friends thought baby pools and Depends were a good way to celebrate turning 30. I brought them a case of Hurricanes. That case was distressingly inexpensive. It was less than twenty dollars for 480 oz. of disgusting booze. Things shouldn't be that cheap, I would have felt much better about the whole thing if it had cost ten more dollars.

WRR/Apocalypse

NO!

Found this on thehighdefinite, and it made me want the world to end. Hey look! I might get my wish!

BP spill may cause "world killing event"

Wait, you called the POLICE because you lost your crops in FARMVILLE? Guhhhh. I thought we had natural selection? Screw you Darwin, you're good for nothing, obviously.

Loser wins!

Ever see those creepy guys with metal detectors? Well, their usual payday is a handful of nickels and a key to some unknown house/shed/bike lock. Well, this guy made up for that by finding one million dollars worth of Roman coins. Get ready for more creeps with metal detectors.

I didn't get to see Predators, but I wanted to. That should be good for something. I want to see some predating!

Caring about soccer is over for another four years. No more 140 lb guys with bad haircuts jogging for three hours interspersed with pretending they are hurt. Sorry hip, rebellious sports fans! At least you have the Tour de France. The best part of the world cup was definitely the prescient octopus. PSYCHIC OCTOPUS! So awesome. Thanks Germany, never change.

When the Italian dude is giving you a wtf look, you know your flopping is egregious.

Best Photobomb ever.


Wait, psychic octopus, get back here. What's in store for me? Work I love? Work in order to do things I love in my spare time? What's ps4 going to be like? Is there going to be a Star Wars VII-IX? Shakespeare or William Bacon? Do psychic octopi know things about the past or just the future? What should I go back to school for? Will I like being a lawyer, or just being a law student? 42? Dr. Tony? Can I be a successful (gainfully employed) writer? C'mon Paul! I need to know these things!

If you're gonna scream, scream with me.

This>Everything else ever:


thanks, nick.