Down Time

Everyday miracles, angels in America, Jewish holidays; listen up:

I have yet to replace a single light bulb in my apartment in the 20 months I've lived here. SO REAL. Magical.

Also, SHAMROCK SHAKES.

Yesterday, I got money deposited into my account from my insurance company. A mere 43 days after my car was totaled. Phew, life in the digital age moves at a break neck pace.

I still have no clue what car I want. Nor have I figured out if I am going to go cheap and buy a car with the money I got flat out, or bite the bullet and use it as a down payment and slog through another 48 months of monthly payments. Both ideas kinda blow if you ask me. HOW ABOUT YOU JUST GIVE ME A CAR. Then I can use the money for tattoos and hats and shoes and credit card bills. HOORAY. And shamrock shakes.

My birthday is 10 days away and I have no plans. Get the surprise party plans on point, yo.

What should I ask for for my birthday? Houseboat? Good idea.

Blazer

Me neither, man. Me neither.

There's an ap for that.

It's March. March is the best month, check it:

March Madness
Spring Training
Shamrock Shakes
My birthday
Better weather
The Ides of March?

Ok I was stretching with that last one a bit. But fuck you March is awesome.

Car update: no car yet. No insurance money yet, actually. Those a-holes are dragging their feet with my PAPER CHASE. I guess it isn't really a paper chase. But I want my money so I can buy a ridiculous truck.


In other news; DMX, Mopo, root beer, Phillies, sneakers, beard, high fives, pencils, laundry, books.

Fuck the Po-lice

And by po-lice, I mean my insurance company.

Got their initial, low-ball offer today. I mean, it wasn't that low, but I think I can get more out of them.

Especially since their comps for a 2002 WRX with 90,000 miles were mostly Imprezas and Outbacks with 120,000+ miles on them.

Assholes.


In other news, my parents dogs are bad, demanding and adorable.

I bet my next girlfriend will be those three things too.

Car News (snooze)

My car is officially totaled.

RIP 2002 Subaru WRX Wagon. You've served me well. I'm glad I got some awesome donuts out of you in your last big snowfall.

It was a good car, fast and perky, up for any snowy problems. It saved me and my friends from an icy doom many times.

But, as I realized, I'm not exactly a Japanese station wagon kind of guy, no matter how cool said wagon is.

What should my next car be?

No Cheerleaders at the Super Bowl (Superb Owl)

Yesterday was the first day in a while I didn't have an article due.

Which was nice, because of not having to do work, but pretty crappy in that I don't have an article up this week, and don't have a place for my stuff yet. Still looking.

Car update: no update.

But the rental place gave me a giant pickup truck. Which is kind of funny. It was that or a Hyundai Elantra. Easy choice.

So I am thinking my car is totaled. If that's the case, I need a new car.

What kind of car should I get? I should start a poll. Any ideas?

I Picked the Wrong Day to Quit Sniffing Glue

Post subtitled: I have always depended on the ineptitude of strangers.

Sooooo today I was taking a wee break from work to run some errands.

As I approached my car I thought "Hm, that's weird, I don't remember parking my car at a 45 degree angle, half on a snow bank"



and then it hit me: I didn't! Some stranger was kind enough to take their car and ram it into my car, achieving that awesome new parking spot.

That was so nice of someone. To be able to manage hitting my car so hard that it moved 6-8 feet. I am really impressed they were able to generate enough force about 25 feet from a stop sign, on a turn, in front of a school to smack my car this hard. Wow!

Thanks again!

It's worse than it looks. The other car apparently had to be towed.

Wasteland

I am reading Patton Oswalt's new book right now. It's a nice read; funny and compelling, but I noticed something. So many of these new books AREN'T books. So many of these new celebrated authors don't bother writing novels. They are mishmashed memoirs and jokey sections. I could totally pull this off, and it is much easier than a novel. Thanks lazy readers/writers, for giving me hope.



Speaking of memoirs I wish I could write about half the shit that happens to me in here.

Instead I'll just continue to complain about my car. The radiator exploded and the windshield needs to be replaced. Trust me, that is so not as interesting as the real shit I want to complain about.

Apparently we are all lined up for another snowpocalypse again today. I don't really care. It's all the same to me.

To bright futures.