X Gonna Give it to Ya

I wish this post were about DMX, as I relate pretty much everything to him lately.

But it's not. I saw X-Men: First Class last night. And typing that out for the first time, I realize that's kind of a stupid name. First Class. Classy X-Men. Whatever, it was pretty good.

Except January Jones, she is terrible and I hate her. Also Mystique was slutty, petulant and annoying, but I suppose that is probably appropriate.

I consider myself pretty hip and "with it" and blah blah WHAT THE FUCK, INTERNET? You are making less and less sense and not even in a good, Nyan Cat way.

What the HELL is with these stupid "that awkward moment..." things?

HAHAH I saw movies! Haha I get it! Funny movie! *fatkidfartnoiseface*

The internet, that's not awkward, nor is it a moment, and it's not funny or anything else good. Most of these "awkward moment" things aren't even complete sentences or thoughts. While doing my typical deep, probing and thorough research for this post, I googled "that awkward moment" - that was a terrible mistake. That google hole plunged me into a deep despair and I found myself wishing for the world to end and to never have existed in the first place. Thanks. Most of these "awkward moments" are things like "that awkward moment when you eat a pudding" or "that awkward moment when your foot is asleep" WHAT? Why would anyone talk about that? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Or they are fake, like those horrible fake TFLN. Why would you make up a TFLN? You are the worst human. "That awkward moment when you are so cool and you quote a movie and then you are handsome!" I made that one up.

Oh the internet, I guess I shouldn't expect so much from a thing run by people who are either mentally or actually thirteen.

Let's go back, internet, you and me babe, let's go back to porkchop sandwiches and unforgivable. C'mon, for old time's sake. Just a little. Yeah. C'mon c'mon. Yeah.

I was going to embed the video for Ghost Town DJ's My Boo here, but my computer is disagreeing with YouTube right now. So, play that song, imaging me captioning it with "this is a pretty good summer jam" and be on your way.

Pole

I have found the bottom of the world - The darkest, most terrifying corner of society. A cave full of rocks with horrible scum underneath the rocks. And since the world is round it has two bottoms (and no tops (worst gaydate ever)).

Those two bottoms, those two pits of eternal despair, those two fiery hells of idiocy and shame are YouTube comments and lyrics websites.



My impression of YouTube comments

NattyIce69 Lol funny
MillerGuy123 Lol N[word] probably don't video Lol N[word]
PoetSmartness Noway did cat do that, this is fake. fake video is fake.
8582PikachuLol! I'm forwording dis to every1 I kno!11 Lol
TwilightTwetard23321 VAMPIREES!
CaptBoobboob i luv lamp. BOrat.

And then I want to die. And everyone else to die. And the Earth to have never existed.

I know it shouldn't bother me. I know I shouldn't read them. But it does, and I do. I don't know why. It's terrifying that this exists in this world. How could love be real in world that produced this? How could any good exist simultaneously with YouTube comments?

The lyrics websites. Oh Boy.

So, I was playing Rock Band 3, and the song "Portions for Foxes" by Rilo Kiley came on. I was wondering about one of the lyrics, so I looked it up. Right under the lyrics, the comments start. mfrae says:

From Jenny Lewis on lead guitar to her absolutely incredible vocals, this is one of the greatest pop/rock songs ever recorded. Rilo Kiley is a truly underrated band who may never record another album. But this one song will should put Jenny into the rock and roll hall of fame someday.

I put it in purple, because I imagine that person thinks in purple. Really? One of the greatest songs ever recorded? And that single song will put Jenny into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame some day? And you are thinking about future Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees?

RAHHHH

People are the worst. I was going to copy and paste more but this is how they all go:

This song is about me and my ____! It's like she wrote it about me! I went through this! I am a moron! I have simple emotions that mean the world to me and you need to know about it! Thanks Jenny!

Or:

commenter1:
I listen to this song constantly, and I think about it all the time and I think this song is about [the super obvious thing this song is about and it couldn't be about something else] because [the fucking lyrics are exactly what this song is about]

commenter2:
Actually I think this song is about [the exact same thing you said, but somehow I'm too stupid to realize we are saying the same thing] like, totally, like [more painfully obvious lyrics without any imagery, metaphors or potential second meanings that could possibly be construed any other way]

Or:

[ I have no idea what I am talking about but I took English in high school so I am using words I learned there and trying to put something there that isn't there and this song is about] society's take on [some buzz word or concept] and how we, as people deal with [it doesn't matter what I say here, I still think I'm smart] post[just kill me] and schism.


So, there you have it. The two places of the internet that make me want to pull a Falling Down on everyone and everything.

What grinds your gears?

If you're gonna scream, scream with me.

Halloween is coming up, maybe I'll actually wear a costume this year instead of just wearing my sweater that vaguely resembles Freddy Krueger's. I was going to be a Chilean Miner, so I wouldn't have to shave my beard, but I bet that is going to be super played by then.

Chomp chomp chomp chomp. That's what the pipe noise always sounded like to me.

Public Advisory: NO ONE BE ANYONE FROM JERSEY SHORE (Macaroni Rascals) FOR HALLOWEEN. Thank you.

Here is an article Gavin McInnes surely volunteered. I think it's crap. For one, who is his audience? No one calls themselves a hipster. Me-someone who makes fun of hipsters? Um, You Chose...Poorly! Also, bonus me-giving-him-shit in the comments on the article. But hey, maybe you'll like it.

This continues to make me laugh. I have no idea why. I am truley sorry for your lots.

My friend keeps me updated on the internet.

The Phillies. ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Carlos Ruiz: My nickname is Chooch.

Ok homework:

Halloween costume ideas, GAFABPs (really, do this. It will be on like a super popular website, and then maybe I'll be famous and you can have that feather for your cap), playlist requests

Also this: