Good Advice From a Bad Person

It's Thursday at four, that means Good Advice from a Bad Person over at Phillyist.

Check it before you wreck it.

Maybe I'll see you jerks at the party tonight, I'll be the handsome one.

Alchemy

First up, everyone should go to this awesome shit tomorrow.
It's Phillyist's relaunch party, and it has a great theme and really, really good prizes. Plus it is at a really good bar. WHAT COULD BE BETTER. No question mark needed. Because it was rhetorical. And the answer is nothing.

I've been watching the second season of Fringe. It came out on DVD recently, and I kinda love it. Sure, it's baby X-Files, but hey, X-Files! PS X-Files is my favorite TV show of all time, not counting my other favorite TV shows of all time (Futurama, Friday Night Lights, Venture Brothers).

Science!

The Jersey Shore is known as "Macaroni Rascals" in Japan. Thank you Japan.

I really wish I hated Loveless by My Bloody Valentine, but I can't, because it's near perfect.

New tattoo imminent.

I want to go home.

Supercollider

Dear Tony,

I hate my boss. I know everyone hates their boss. All bosses suck, But, I REALLY HATE MY BOSS! I have daydreams about killing him and desicrating his body. He is utterly incompetent. As my direct supervisor I feel he should at least understand and be able to perform the same job duties I do, but he can barely tie his own shoe. I need a solution. I can not go over his head and complain, because that is just plain pathetic. What I am looking for is not exactly advice, but more like corporate sabotage ideas. How can I make his life as miserable as he makes mine? We work in the same office so I need to be super stealth ninja.

Thanks,

I Dream of Burning your Eyeballs Out with a Butane Torch

Hey! IDOBYEOWABT!

It's been a while, how have you been? Why don't any of my readers make their acronyms into words. I know you can. You can be clever, it's ok.

Bosses are the pits, that's why I don't have one. You should do this also. Lose the boss. But, since you probably aren't as skilled and ambitious as I am, you will always have a boss. Have you tried passing the buck? Do what he does--just delegate down, and blame your underlings. You DO have underlings, right? Everyone needs underlings.

But, for his transgressions, your velcro-shod boss needs his comeuppance. There are always the work related things, like sending your worst customers his way, you could do. This is a good place to start. You want him to be constantly stressed and frustrated. Also, one day at work, when you are leaving, unplug all the phones. How fun would that be? He misses every call for a few hours until he realizes what you did. His higher ups, demanding customers, employees calling out--he'll miss all these calls. Plus, you could totally blame the cleaning crew for that.

Second, take it home. Turn his out-of-work life into hell. Once he's all frustrated from your terrible customers and the phone snafu, he'll be dying to get some relaxation and love and support from his family. But he wont, because of you. These are my favorite things to do to ruin families:

-Send him pizzas. This is a very rudimentary trick, but the idea of sending someone an unwanted pizza is hilarious to me.
-Sign him up for every filthy catalog ever. Every sex toy, lingerie or mail order bride catalog should come to his house. His mailbox should be full of smutty offerings daily. You can go to their websites and sign anyone up. Possibly give him an embarrassing and dirty nick name. This will make his wife hate him.
-This is the best thing to do to someone you hate, use it wisely, it's a big one. The joys of craigslist are known by many--you can find a job, apartment, girlfriend, smelly couch--anything you want. Now you can also use it to ruin your boss's life. Navigate your way to the M4M casual encounters section. Find a picture on the internet that would appeal to someone cruising the M4M casual encounters section. Post his ad. His ad will be soliciting phone sex. Make sure you mention that you "don't have anytime for games" and that you want "hot studs to be ready to go as soon as I answer." Post the picture, post the ad, post his phone number. Home and work. Put it in as many cities as you can. Re post it. This will ruin his life and he will probably have to change his phone number and maybe get divorced. You win! That's what he gets for slightly annoying you.




I have some really good playlists in the works. Any ideas?

This weekend should be awesome. Although, it's my college's five year reunion. I am SO OLD. I don't think I'm going to that. "Blogger" just doesn't impress at reunions the way it should.

Good Advice From a Bad Person

It's Thursday and that means Phillyist ran another Good Advice From a Bad Person.

This one gets a little weird.

Sorry about that, cough medicine is a hell of a drug.

I know I've been neglecting you, but soon I'll regale you with tales of triumph and tragedy, peeing in bushes, playlists and lessons and life. Or something else.

Another Phillyist Sports Post

Another post of mine just went up over at Phillyist. It's a debate on Michael Vick v. Kevin "poop my pants" Kolb.

If you're into that sort of thing you might want to mosey on over there and check it out.

Also, gimme some GAFABPs for Phillyist this week!

Also, I hope you're enjoying this weather, I sure am (not, because I'm indoors way too much).

Bat Skeleton

"We count the days and the months and the years
When we could be counting the words and the thoughts and the ideas

So we're not all the same sum.
So we're measured correctly.

So the heighth and depth and breadth of it -

tell a tale of lives lived and not spent.

Tell a tale of lives lived and not spent. "




So blogger/spot was down yesterday, putting off this post where I am just going to throw a bunch of stuff at you because I think it has been all GAFABPs and Playlists lately.
So here's a bat skeleton.

Boo!

Pretty creepy. I was shocked how much bat skeletons look like human skeletons, and how creepy the wing structure is, like long devil fingers. I love it!

I am enjoying this seasonal change. I love fall, it's my favorite season. I've always had this romantic notion toward this season, but I don't know why. It's been around as long as I've been having romantic notions. I have romantic memories of things that never happened; hot chocolate and campfires, and hands in hands in coat pockets. Maybe this year.

Also Halloween is fast approaching, I'm taking advice on what my costume should be.

You guys need to get more involved, ooooh get me a GAFABP for Thursday's Phillyist. Try to make it about Philly. I am also working on another game for you guys, but I don't know if you'll get involved enough for it. Lazy bones.

Xpost

It's Thursday, that means Phillyist is running another one of my Good Advice From a Bad Person columns.

Go there to check it out!