Editors Gonna Edit

So this conversation is better than the actual article, and will make more sense once that goes up, but I thought you guys might enjoy this.

The joke in question:

The obvious solution would be to tell people you aren't pregnant when they ask. Isn't that some sort of stranger nightmare? "Hey pregnant lady! Yous all pregnant and stuff!" and then you say "Why no, uncouth hoi polloi, I'm just overstuffed as of late, I enjoy french fries and beers, thank you. That's a lovely cell phone holster you have." Because talking about someone's fatness is way ruder than talking about someone's reproductive choices apparently. America!

editor: Tony, can you break this sentence up please? Also, fair warning - I am cutting your cell phone holster joke. Otherwise, we're good to go. Just let me know when you've corrected that line.

me: why are you cutting the cell phone holster joke/

which sentence?

1:59 PM editor: You may also want to try telling people you are a surrogate, pretending you don't speak English, drawing a big sad face on your pregnant stomach, abortion, faux, over-enthusiasm, practicing unfriendly glares in your mirror, preemptively asking strangers if they are pregnant, or simply ignoring them.

Also, I question your pic of walmart without specific walmart reference.

2:00 PM me: haha

editor: I mean, I get it, but...

me: can i just semicolons in that sentence instead of breaking it up?

2:02 PM editor: My concern is double: that breaks in your list are unclear (solved by semicolon, okay), but also that you have a one sentence paragraph.

2:03 PM me: i have a few one sentence paragraphs

2:04 PM do you wear a cell phone holster on your belt?

editor: Nope. Also, that joke is irrelevant to your point in that paragraph and lacking set-up. Thus gone.

2:05 PM me: dude,

that's what makes it funny.

editor: DUDE.

I'm your editor and I'm telling you it's not. I'm sorry.

It might sound funny in your head, but it's a non-sequitur read.

2:08 PM me: I didn't know you were a joke editor. I thought you were like a copy editor.

editor: non-sequitur is a copy edit.

When things don't make sense, I get to have you change them or I get to take them out.

2:09 PM You feel like making a walmart joke there to make your picture make sense - I would recommend that.

me: it does make sense. someone who would say that would wear a cell phone holder. i'm developing characters in the small space i am allotted!

2:11 PM editor: That's great, but no.

me: plus the circular randomness of a stranger asking you fi you are pregnant and then you telling them an innapropriately over personal fashion critique! my jokes are subtle and nuanced

haha

2:12 PM ok plus MT won't let me log in, plus i wish i got sense-making edit your sports list

2:13 PM editor: The fact of the matter is, very little of your writing gets changed, you need to back off fighting for every little thing. There are reasons behind it. I will now go ahead and semicolon your list because I have wasted all the time I am able to spend on this at my real job...

2:14 PM me: Well, i'd be happy to change it if MT weren't a cruel mistress. Plus Phillies fans love pat burrell.

editor: lol. Not lately.

MT is a cruel mistress.

me: I log in, which takes forever then it takes me to a completely blank page.

editor: It loses whole things.

2:15 PM MT's a major bitch sometimes.

2:16 PM me: Eh, I just thought you cut the cell phone joke because you were afraid of offending our cell phone holster wearing readership. I make a lot of jokes like that, I love jokes like that.

2:17 PM editor: And some of them are funny and make sense. Like accusing the 50s of being stupid.

me: haha

cell phone holster was my favorite joke in the hole thing. you have a way of finding that and killing it.

you're like a tony's favorite joke assassin

2:18 PM editor: That's funny, because it was basically a black hole in that paragraph. Well, more like a giant stop sign.

me: oh burn

that's the point!

it's like bam

joke slap in the face.

2:20 PM editor: like I said, funny in your head. But disruptive to the paragraph. going back to work now.

2:21 PM me: i checked. my fan club said it was funny.

sorry i couldn't fix the semicolons

editor: It's not a big deal.

me: i'm making a comment on the article that says "cell phone holster! ATTICA ATTICA!"
Editor is no longer available to chat.

EDIT: Here is the actual link to the article.