Friday!

Being the seasoned blogger I am, I have picked up on some of the blogging world's secrets - like Friday is a crap day where readership plummets. I think I'll move my best column "Good Advice from a Bad Person" to another day.

Yesterday was a pretty exciting day over here as I had strangers sassing each other in the comments. I am attributing this to the fact that my blog is so sassy and mean that it affects people like the ectoplasm in Ghostbusters II.



So I'll just use the trick I have learned from many other columnists to fill space. Lists and gimmicks!

Yesterday a commenter stranger asked me to make a playlist for a slumber party for three girls in their late 20's. Ask and ye shall receive.



That was easy.

Another friend of the blog, who has asked me to plug her twitter account so you can read her tweets where she comes up with really bad porno titles and talks about Morrissey too much, @mizznicleo, gave me this playlist theme along with the monster playlist and the sad songs disguised as happy songs themes.


Click me to make me bigger because I'm too small to read and Tony doesn't know how to make me bigger without clicking.

Songs to make girls like you.

1. [Wifty song title] - Broken Social Scene I don't listen to this band so I couldn't give you one of their song titles and was too lazy to google one.
2. The Scientist - Coldplay This band has been terrible since jump street, but girls still like them. Go with something early and semi-deep.
3. I'm Always in Love - Wilco How could you go wrong with a band who spins out documentaries called "I am Trying to Break your Heart"
4. Hello? Is this Thing on? - !!! Sexy hipster chicks love to dance. Poorly.
5. Inner City Pressure - Flight of the Conchords Hip girls love irreverent, ironic, foreign humor.
6. Mix Tape - Brand New Girls will love that you can admit to a guilty pleasure, especially one that reminds them of their days being "scene" before they were "bikescene"
7. Cheeking Tongues - Wire This band played an r5 reunion show last year, everyone got the memo to pretend they liked them all along and to be super excited about the show.
8. Ashtray Monument - Jawbreaker All the bands your girl wants to be a groupie for love this band. Maybe if you love it you can trick her into being your groupie.
9. Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven "Sometimes I just need the serenity only composers from x00 years ago can give me" will be what he says as he plays this song he learned in the Resident Evil video game.
10. Alone Again Or - Love "Love was better than the Beatles! It should have been them!" But if it were them, you wouldn't like them. Because the only reason you like them is so you can say stuff like that. Gotta dig out some old tracks too, fellas.
11. Any Song - Any band with wolf in the title You can't go wrong with wolf party, wolf parade, teen wolf or whatever else they are listening to.
12. Wish Fulfillment - Sonic Youth "Oh yeah I was big into the lesser-known grunge bands" "even though I was only nine at the time." They won't say the second part. This song is even better if you can couple it with an iconic Washing Machine shirt you left in your laundry for a month to make it look really old, because chicks dig old guys.
13. How Many More Years? - Howlin Wolf Their ironically large cupcake panties will drop when they hear this one. If you can suffer through any old Jazz or R n B, they will go nuts. If he can suffer through that he must be so deep!

So yeah, if this playlist can't get some girl off her fixed-gear bike for you, you're doing it wrong. Feel free to intersperse any of the female singer-songwriters: Jenny Lewis, Joanna Newsom, Leona Naess, Lily Allen, Feist, Elliot Smith, Cat Power, Tegan and Sara, Regina Spektor etc. You can't go wrong with them. Remember, as a rule of thumb, bad music has to be at least four years old to be considered ironic. Lil' Jon is ok, Drake is not.

I originally intended to make fun of dudes with that one, but I think girls got the brunt. Sorry ladies!

Have a nice weekend suckers.